Please click here to listen to Episode 105 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast
Hi Soul Friends
It’s Tannaz Hosseinpour and welcome back to another short solo episode of Minutes on Growth Podcast. Today I want to talk about a fear that I’ve noticed many people, myself included struggle with: the fear of judgment
I am originally Persian and I was raised in Dubai, the Middle East, and the notion of judgment, I’ve noticed is more prevalent in conservative societies than in liberal ones. This doesn’t mean that there’s no judgement in for example North America, but from my personal experience of living in both continents, the more conservative a society is, the more taboo-ness that exists.
Growing up, I heard these statements so often “what will people think if you do that”, “don’t say that in front of our extended family members”, “you know its not proper to do x y z”
By the time you’re a teenager, there are so many limitations placed on your mind under the label of it being taboo or improper. Think of yourself as a bird, and these limitations as people clipping your wings. How are you supposed to fly without them?
I’m not gonna lie, fear of judgement can really have a significant impact on our emotional and psychological well-being. It can lead to feelings of anxiety, self-doubt and even low self-esteem. I’ve noticed that it can cause us to avoid situations or activities that we enjoy due to fear of being judged negatively by others. I remember the first time I went to a pole dancing class, I was 18 or 19 years old – I really enjoyed getting in touch with my body and that feminine energy, but I noticed myself judging myself while I was IN the class. I kept asking myself is this proper? am I doing something wrong? What type of girl would be dancing in this class? So many ridiculous questions based on again the statements that were imprinted in my subconscious mind at a young age by not necessarily my parents (who by the way were extremely liberal compared to others) but by society in general which included my teachers, my friends parents, & pretty much strangers that you would have conversations with. For the longest time I censored by passion for pole dancing out of fear of judgment. And that wasn’t the only thing that I censored out of fear. I realized that I was hesitant to take many risks in the pursuit of my goals and dreams because of it.
For those of you have been following me for a while, you’re familiar with my initial career path. I was trained as a young child to pursue a legal career and after getting my masters in law and getting trained in family mediation I realized that my Soul was not really aligned with that work, and I think I had known that truth for quite some time, but I was SO scared to admit it to myself and to others.
Only when I started doing the inner work, and reflecting back on my childhood did I realize that my dream was always to be a teacher – thats when I feel the most alive – when I believe I have the most positive impact in the world. I realize that while I was good at family mediation and law, I wasn’t passionate about it and I really believe that unless you’re passionate about something, the drive and willingness to be the absolute best diminishes. So it made the most sense to remove myself from that space and to allow those who are passionate about it to take over because they can serve much better than I can in that line of work.
But I’m not gonna lie, taking that risk, doing a complete 180 U-turn in my career was so scary at first. I was so worried about what my parents would think and what my extended family members would think and what my friends would think. That fear of judgement really kept me stuck & it did not allow me to show up as my true self – to serve as my true self. And now as a teacher and a coach it is one of my core missions to ensure that people have the courage to be fully seen as who they truly are because honestly, when you do show up as YOU – life starts to feel like its happening FOR you – as if everything is rigged in your favour!
So I wanted to take a few minutes and share with you a couple of ways that you can overcome fear of judgement
One of the best ways to overcome fear of judgement is to recognize and challenge negative thoughts. I want you to take a moment and ask yourself how in the past your thoughts have contributed to your mood, or state of well-being. Because unless we recognize how powerful our thoughts are, we won’t be as enticed to want to do the work. Perhaps it was the time when you were super excited to go on your date but then looked at yourself in the mirror and your inner critic made a nasty comment about how you were looking and then you started to feel self-conscious about your body and your weight and your whole mood shifted or that time when you really wanted to ask your boss for a promotion but your colleague just made a small comment about a minor mistake you had made earlier and suddenly you have all these thoughts of not being good enough and being a failure which prevented you from asking for that well deserved promotion and you started to feel stuck in your job. Once you recognize the power that your thoughts hold then you can start to get intentional with identifying and challenging the negative ones because while our feelings are always valid, our thoughts are not always true. The sooner we accept this truth, the sooner we are able to challenge the negative thoughts that keep us playing small, that make us feel like we’re not good enough, that prevent us from putting ourselves out there.
Another way to overcome your fear of judgement is to practice self compassion. This means that we are kind to ourselves and we remind ourselves that we’re human beings, and as human beings it’s normal to make mistakes and to have flaws. No one is perfect. I tell this to my clients all the time, think of perfection as the last level in your favourite video game. If you reach perfection now, do you really wanna spend the rest of your life the next 40, 50, 60 years of your life being stuck in that same level. How boring would that be. And the moment you realize this, you let go of your attachment to perfection which by the way is a coping mechanism on its own. When we allow ourselves to have flaws, we are allowing ourselves to be fully seen, meaning that we are allowing people to see our strengths AND our weaknesses. Honestly how refreshing is that. I don’t know about you but I truly admire people who share their mistakes – who share their flaws and let us know how they’re working on at it. It makes me feel like I’m not alone when I notice others navigating similar feelings. We tend to be so kind and understanding with others but not as much with ourselves. But if we’re able to create this shift in perspective in the way that we see mistakes and flaws, then we’re able to extend that same level of kindness and understanding to ourselves.
Another way to overcome fear of judgement is to surround ourselves with supportive, and non-judgmental people. My life changed when I got up from tables where people were tearing each other apart instead of uplifting one another. My life changed when I intentionally started to seek out people who were positive and accepting, spending time with those who valued and appreciated me for who I was, for my whole self. Finding that tribe in my opinion was the biggest factor in helping me overcome my fear of judgment. Going back to my U-turn in my career, I honestly was able to do it when I started to surround myself with people who were honouring their truth, people who had been through similar experiences. When my mind saw that a person had switched careers and were now pursuing something that they were truly passionate about AND they were succeeding, then it made a mental deduction that that can happen for me too. Because alongside fear of judgement there’s fear failure, so when we surround ourselves with people who are winning in something that we are considering, it makes it feel possible for us too. More importantly when you surround yourself with people who create space for you to be yourself, it gives you courage to show up more and more as yourself every day. We truly heal in relationships and that includes our platonic friendships.
Lastly I would suggest taking small steps to face your fears. When we expose ourselves to situations that make us feel a little bit anxious and instead we start to intentionally practice coping strategies like positive self talk or breathing or meditating to manage our fears, over time we start build confidence and resilience. Our fears, or should I say the shadow of our fears start to become smaller when we walk towards them. I remember when I first started the minutes on growth podcast and community, I was so scared of creating video content and for a good year I refused to do it, until we were preparing for our in person wellness retreat and my dear friend and cohost Pazi told me to face my fear and to just try it out. If I show you my first video, you can tell how anxious I was, I don’t even think I blinked once in the video, but the more I faced that fear, the easier it got. I don’t think twice about recording a video now and I’m so comfortable in front of the camera, but that only came after someone supportive in my community encouraged me to face the fear.
So I hope so friends, this podcast will encourage you to face your fear of judgement and allow yourself to overcome it, so you can show up as your most authentic true self, and you allow yourself to be SEEN. I keep using the words “allow yourself to do it” because ultimately we are the ones standing in our way And I want you to get out of the way of your own greatness.
I would love to hear your stories of overcoming fear of judgement. Feel free to send me a DM on Instagram @MinutesonGrowth Because when we share our stories, we not only empower ourselves but we also empower others.
Wishing you an empowering and liberating week
lots of love,
speak soon
Minutes on Growth 