Episode 97 – How to Follow Through with New Year Resolutions

Please click here to listen to Episode 97 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast

Hi Soul friends,

It’s Tannaz Hosseinpour and welcome back to another short solo episode of Minutes on Growth. We are officially in 2023. I don’t know about you guys but I can’t believe how quickly time passes by. I’m still writing down the date as 2022 during my sessions. Anyways, with every new year, comes a new list of resolutions, experiences we want to have, feelings we want to feel, places we want to go to, people we want to meet.

At first we’re so excited about our lists and we’re committed to them wholeheartedly but as time passes by, that excitement starts to dwindle… in fact did you know that on average only 9 to 12 percent of people keep their New Years resolutions?

why do you think that is…

for starters, many of the things we write down on our list are desires that don’t even belong to us. they are desires we have been conditioned to think we want – whether its been passed on to us by our parents, our friends, or our community.

another reason we give up is the lack of discipline we have. many depend on motivation to get them through but motivation ebbs and flows – discipline is what we need to ensure that we stick through- its the value of integrity – holding our promise to ourselves. many struggle with discipline, myself included so we need to be super honest with ourselves and ask ourselves what systems we need to have in place for success. for example, I’m not shy to admit that that I struggle with discipline when it comes to my fitness, so at the beginning of the month, I make sure that I budget my expenses in a way that allows me to have a trainer who can hold me accountable, and then I create systems for my other desires. For example I created a book club because I knew it was a system that would ensure I read as many books as I desire. so remember that discipline trumps motivation.. in fact discipline activates our motivation tank.

another reason that New Years resolutions get forgotten about is because we focus so much on the overall desire and not as much on the feeling we want to feel during the journey there. when a client of mine tells me they want to manifest something, I spend a lot of time guiding them through a reflective journey on how they think they will feel once they get it and more importantly how they want to feel every step of the way. why? because the destination might change.. sometimes our desires change throughout time.. they get more refined or they change all together … so if we’re so fixated on that desire and not as much on the feeling of the desire, once these changes take place, we might give up… for example, I had a client who wanted to get a promotion at work. she really wanted to be the director of marketing at the company… at first she said she wanted it to make more money but after looking at her why deeply, she recognized that the desire was rooted in 2 things: she wanted to be in a position that allowed her to have more influence, to feel useful, to feel as if she is truly cultivating her passions and talents. We set an intention to focus on the feelings she wanted to feel and guess what.. in a couple of months she got a job offer from another firm.. not for the position of director of marketing, but a position at a start up that allowed her more space and flexibility to nurture her creative gifts and the bonus part? she received a salary bump too! if she wasn’t flexible and was too fixated on becoming the director at her old firm, she would have not been open to even considering another offer, and there was a high chance that she wouldn’t feel the feeling of fulfillment once she had manifested it either.

Lastly, another reason is that many people give up on their desires when challenges occur. There is so much content nowadays out there on seeking the path of least resistance that many see challenges as the universe telling them that they’re on the wrong path… I disagree with this belief and I’ll explain to you why… I truly believe that the path of least resistance arises after we take the path of most resistance.. most of the time, seeds of growth are hidden in the tasks we avoid…when we are able to maintain a disciplined mindset and push through the areas where we are facing most resistance, we are paving a smoother path for ourselves in the future…but the inner critic dislikes challenges.. it prefers the comfort zone… it prefers the safe zone…

in fact when the inner critic faces challenges, it whispers in our ear ” maybe we shouldn’t be doing this… it’s too hard… it’s too much work…let’s do it later..” and slowly convinces us to give up…after all the critic can speak to us most when we’re in a state of doubt…doubt in our abilities and potential…

but today, I want to remind you that the light is revealed in darkness… often times, miracles arise the day after what feels like the darkest and most challenging night…this is when we need to maintain our faith.. faith in whatever we believe in… but faith is what allows us to trust the process.. to have certainty .. to know that if a desire exists within us, and if we’re reflected on it enough times that we know it belongs to us, and if that desire truly serves the highest good for us and all those involved.. then that challenge, that wait, that roadblock is part of the journey that we’re meant to experience too.. that challenge is not the universe testing us… but rather, if given the opportunity, that challenge will teach us patience.. that challenge will teach us to think outside of the box.. that challenge will teach us to go within and activate gifts that we have kept dormant for years… that challenge has a purpose, and instead of doubting ourselves, we get curious with it…

As Dr Wayne Dyer would say, the moment we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change. The moment we start to look at challenges as blessings, thats exactly what it becomes.. remember nothing has meaning until we give it meaning.. so soul friends, let us set an intention today to view our challenges as gifts from the universe…

I pray that you have the discipline and mindset needed to bring all your resolutions to life.. resolutions that will elevate your experience of reality and that will allow you to share your gifts with the world and make it a better place for everyone

Sending you lots of love,

Speak soon

Episode 95 – The 5 Steps to Manifesting by Tannaz Hosseinpour

Click here to listen to Episode 95 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast

Hi Soul-Friends,

It’s Tannaz Hosseinpour and welcome back to another short solo episode of Minutes on Growth. I apologize for the delay in releasing this episode. Arezu and I just wrapped up hosting an amazing manifestation retreat in Mykonos, Greece where we spent 5 days diving deep the subconscious mind and into all things related to the art of manifestation! it was truly magical watching the girls learn about and use the tools to manifest their desires, and since the they’ve been updating us on their successes! I’ve documented the highlights on my social media page so do check it out if you’re interested in learning more about our retreats. Coming back to our topic, we started our manifestation podcast series by introducing the inner critic, the role it plays in our life and how important it is for us to declutter what no longer serves us, especially our limiting thoughts, opinions, perceptions and beliefs so that we can create room for that which does serves us, and then last episode we focused on the dos and donts of manifesting.

This episode I want to break down the 5 steps to manifesting that I’ve used over and over again to consciously manifest my dreams with ease and grace. Now just a reminder, that we’re manifesting 24/7, whether we’re conscious of it or not, so the steps that I’m referring to are steps for conscious manifesting – meaning that instead of manifesting on auto pilot mode, we are manifesting with an intention in mind.

So let’s begin.. the first step is to gain clarity. It’s super important to have clarity over what it is that you truly want – you might be thinking that this step is a given, but you’d be surprised as to how many people pursue dreams that don’t belong to them.. they pursue their parents or society’s dreams instead of their own… and when a desire doesn’t truly stem from us, the chances of us being disciplined and driven with it significantly drops. When we have clarity, we know the destination on our metaphorical map. Here are some journal prompts for you to reflect on

  • What do I NOT want?
  • If failure was not an option, what would I do?
  • If I had unlimited money and resources, how would I spend my time?
  • What vision makes my heart smile?
  • What is the universe’s vision for my life?  Who am I meant to be?

Once you have some answers, I want you to put on your detective hat and see how the answers feel in your body. Our bodies are super intuitive, and while our mind can trick us into thinking that a desire belongs to us, the body is our go to when seeking confirmation. So write down a list of everything that you desire and then ask yourself Why?

Visualize It / Sense it / Does it bring you happiness? How does the desire feel in your body ? Does it spark joy? fear? Does it feel expansive or limiting?

Does this desire make you feel inspired to serve others? when we’re consciously manifesting, we want to make sure that the desire serves the highest good of all.. and that is why the element of serving must be present.

& If it truly belongs to you.. and feels good in your body, then how willing are you to make it happen?

Remember, the human mind bases desires on past experiences. Don’t focus on what is and what is not possible, just strive for your desire

Once we have clarity over our desires, the second step is to simply ask. The old saying is ask and it is given. The same applies here. Because of the concept of free will, the universe cannot grant us that which we’re seeking unless we’ve expressed our desire for it. In this step, it’s important to ask with certainty, meaning that when you’re expressing your desire, to have full certainty that if it is for the highest good of all, that the universe will assist you in consciously manifesting it into the physical realm. one thing to remember is that when we’re asking, we want to be asking from a place of present and not from lack. the universe speaks in energy, so if we’re coming from a place of reactivity and lack, the universe will mirror that energy. to give you a practical example, if you want to manifest more money into your account, you need to shift your money mindset first, and ensure you’re not operating from a scarcity mindset, but rather an abundance mindset.

Side note: if a desire exists within you, its meant to be manifested through you, so trust the presence of the desire. it has a purpose. once you trust that the desire is meant for you, then the chances of you accepting it as do-able increases, and for manifesting to work, you need to expand your mind to truly believing that you CAN have it.

once we have clarity over our desires, and we’ve asked for them – the third step is to surrender and practice having certainty. this is what we call a spiritual release, meaning that we recognize that we are co-creators with the universe and not sole creators. we want to walk in trust and certainty, that the universe is always working on our behalf. we want to trust that the universe supports us and has our back. More importantly, it’s super important to surrender because when we try to control or manipulate our manifestations, our energy becomes frantic and needy, and as mentioned in the previous step, we want to be coming from an energetic space of trust, calmness and presence. A tip to help you practice surrender more is to remember that there are 4 levels of consciousness when experiencing reality. the first is that the world is happening to me.. this is victimhood consciousness. the second is that the world is happening for me.. meaning everything that is happening is happening for my highest good, the third and fourth are life is happening as me and through me. I want you to focus on the second one: life is happening for me. whenever a perceived challenge comes up, and there will always be challenges along the way, remember that life is happening for you. try to pause, to shift your perspective and to see the light instead – to see solutions where you would usually see problems, to see the light, where you would usually see darkness.. one of my favourite cabalistic tools is the concept of pause what a pleasure. whenever a situation arises, I always pause and say out loud.. what a pleasure. that pause allows me enough space and time to shift the way I’m seeing things and to return to a place of surrender and trust.

once we’ve surrendered, then the fourth step is to take inspired action. when the book the secret came out , everyone was a little bit confused as to how the manifestation process works.. so we just think good thoughts and things will come to us? many tried it out and were disappointed when it didn’t work out and the reason is that the movie didn’t dive into this 4th step… which is taking action. the word attraction literally has the word action in it! meaning we need to put in effort for that we wish to bring into the physical realm and we do that by showing up tot he best our ability every single day. now our best might look different everyday depending on our mental and physical health, but the goal here is to be honest with ourselves and show up honestly to what that limit looks like. we also take action by practicing self love, meaning that we build daily habits and routines that serve our mind, body and soul. for example my incorporating daily meditation, yoga, grounding, orfnaling, breath work, reading, exercising into our day… remember, the quickest way to alter your mental state is by changing our physiological state – so when we move our body, we’re getting our mind ready to show up and perform to the best of its ability. we also take inspired action by practicing gratitude, and focusing on what we do have so we can attract more of it into our present moment. Lastly, we want to ensure that we’re surrounding ourself with people who believe in us and our dreams and that best way to do that is to surround yourself with people who have already manifested that which you want to attract. when we surround ourself with people who have normalized our desires, it is much easier for our mind to believe that It is probable for us to have it too… and if you can believe it, you can achieve it.

the fifth and final step is to practice embodying that which we want to manifest. take a moment to ask yourself how your life will change once your desire comes to life. then ask yourself how you’re going to show up to your life once it does… how will you walk? talk? think? act?… the practice of embodiment is to mirror and embody that future self.. In the present moment, in the now. have you ever heard someone say once I get this, ill do x y and z… embodiment is practicing x y and z before you get it.. its all about embodying your higher self in the moment, as if that which you want to manifest has already happened and you’re super grateful for it.. because guess what, in the metaphysical realm it already has. I’d like to just take a moment and remind you that embodying your highest self or practicing gratitude does not mean that you suppress any emotion that isn’t joy. It is super important to feel every emotion that arises in you, because they’re all messengers that can give us insight into our inner state, but the goal is to not get attached to them or identify with them. we want to feel our feelings and let them flow through us.. as what we resist persists, so embodiment is all about being a clear channel for emotions to flow through you.. once that channel is clear, then creativity can flow through you with more ease and grace and the manifestation process feels smoother.

I hope that you’ve found these 5 steps useful and that you utilize them in consciously manifesting your desires. I want to leave you soul-friends with this reminder. we are vibration beings, so its imperative for us to become vibrationally aligned with that which we want to manifest.

To you manifesting all that serves your good and the highest good of all,

thank you for listening,

speak soon

Episode 94 – The Dos & Don’ts of Manifesting by Tannaz Hosseinpour

Please click here to listen to episode 94 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast

Hi Soul Friends,

It’s Tannaz Hosseinpour and welcome back to another short solo episode of Minutes on Growth. Last episode, we started our manifestation podcast series by introducing the inner critic, the role it plays in our life and how important it is for us to declutter what no longer serves us, especially our limiting thoughts, opinions, perceptions and beliefs.

This week, I want to briefly talk about the Dos and Donts of manifesting.

Let’s start with the destination addict. this sounds like when I get over there, I will feel this way. When I get x, I’ll be happy. When I find my perfect partner, I’ll do x y or z. This type of thinking robs us of a few things. firstly, we’re always in the future, and rarely ever in the present moment. we’re not able to appreciate the now in anticipation of what could possibly happen tomorrow. when we’re consciously manifesting, it’s important that we embody the feeling that we’ll get once we manifest that certain experience.. in the now. meaning if I make the statement that I’ll wake up at 8 am feeling joyous once I get my dream job, to be able to embody that morning joy now that im unemployed, or now that I’m working at a firm that I don’t particularly enjoy. because like attracts like, embodying those feelings in the present moment will expedite our manifesting process.

The second point to consider is our mind’s relationship with the concept of negatives. Our mind cannot comprehend negative statements. Meaning If I say “dont think of a big elephant, don’t think of a big elephant.. guess what you’re going to be thinking of? a big elephant. your mind did not process the “don’t” part. so it’s important to keep this in mind when we’re creating affirmations or entertaining thoughts. I dont want to have debt is going to place our minds focus on debt.. whereas my bank statement is always in the positive focuses on the presence of money.

Which brings us to our third point..you cannot attract something if you’re focusing on the lack of it . You cannot create abundance if you’re focusing on the lack of it. the moment we say we want love, we’re hinting that we’re lacking love. ever heard someone say “when I’m single no one is interested in me. the moment I’m in a relationship everyone wants me”. its because the moment you’re in a relationship, you’re no longer feeling that lack. energetically you’ve shifted, and again like attracts like. that’s why embodiment plays such a major role in the manifestation process. once we start to embody that which we want to manifest, we attract with much more ease.

Now speaking of thoughts, it’s important to note the 17 seconds rule. Research shows that if we focus on a thought for 17 seconds, it gains momentum. knowing this we can set a conscious intention to intercept limiting thoughts sooner rather than later.

the next point to remember is the importance of flexibility. Be Flexible: Do not get attached to a specific outcome or want things to happen on a particular timeline. remember when we’re consciously manifesting the when and the how isn’t up to us. we’re only in charge of showing up to the best of our ability. more importantly, we see life through a limited 3D perception whereas the universe has a much more expansive 5D Vision so controlling outcomes to get just what you want isn’t the goal – Receiving what is the highest good for all is the plan, and that is always the universe’s plan.

Next, Look for fun – Joy has a high vibrational frequency and we’re meant to have fun in life. Remember how much you loved to play as a kid, rekindle that flame as an adult. Every moment of your life can be filled with joyful experiences if you allow it. When you go to the grocery store, smile more often to strangers, Crack more jokes with your friends, plan more outings, watch more comedies.

Lastly, see the signs. One of the best ways to know whether you’re manifesting something it when you see someone else manifest it first. In those moments you have a choice, to either get jealous or mad that it hasn’t happened for you yet or to see it as a sign from the universe that its on its way for you. When you see someone manifest that you desire, Bless the person for the sign. and if you see someone manifest something and it triggers a feeling a jealousy for you, bless them again.. this time for the stimulation that he is evoking.. because it holds within it the awareness of the desire that is strong within you. We’re rarely ever jealous of what we don’t want.. so envision and imagine it happening for you… feel the feelings associated to it and pretend that it has already happened, because in the metaphysical world, it already has and that is why we always end prayer with “& so it is”.

So these soul-friends are some of the Dos and Donts to consider when consciously manifesting.

Next week, we will dive into the 5 clear steps to conscious manifesting.

Before I go, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be hosting a manifestation retreat this summer in Mykonos from august 5th to the 9th in the most beautiful private villa overlooking the sea, where I’m going to be diving deep into this decluttering process and helping the attendees really become aware of what it is that they would like to let go of, and what it is that they’d like to start experiencing in their reality. there’s more information on my website http://www.minutesongrowth.com or you can reach out to me directly on social media for more information.

Remember, you have a choice when it comes to your experience of reality so if you can imagine it, then you can definitely achieve it.

Sending you lots of love,

Speak soon

Episode 93 – The Inner Critic when Manifesting by Tannaz Hosseinpour

Please click here to listen to Episode 93 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast

Hi Soul Friends,

It’s Tannaz Hosseinpour and welcome back to another short solo episode of Minutes on Growth. A few weeks ago, I hosted a free 90 minute manifestation masterclass on zoom where I discussed the 5 steps to manifesting, the dos and don’t of manifesting, the 12 universal laws, the concept of embodiment, and why doing mindset work is an important part in the process of conscious manifestation. I highly recommend everyone to get the replay link and to rewatch it as many times as they can since our subconscious mind rewires through repetition.

In the meantime, I thought I would break down the masterclass into smaller episodes for those of you who prefer weekly little nuggets of information. 

So let’s begin… when we’re talking about conscious manifesting what are we really talking about? Well we’re talking about the process of becoming conscious of the thoughts, beliefs, opinions and perceptions that we have housed in our subconscious mind and that we are subconsciously entertaining on a daily basis, because ultimately our experience of reality is shaped by those 4 elements. Those 4 elements impact our actions, our mood and our personality which dr Joe disepnza refers to as our personal reality. 

So now before we even get to the steps of manifesting, or the dos and don’t of manifesting, we need to create a solid foundation to manifest from. and this translates to decluttering our mind from what is no longer serving us. on average did you know that we have over 60,000 thoughts? that’s a super super high number. and now let me ask you think. how many of these 60,000 thoughts are empowering and how many are limiting? how many are you conscious of and how many are on auto pilot? so preparing the foundation means that we need to stop being a hoarder of thoughts, beliefs, opinions and perceptions that are limiting our growth, that are limiting us on our journey to our higher self, because the ultimate goal of life is to enter as person A, and leave as person B.

So this strong foundation correlates with having an aligned mindset, a growth mindset, an energy or aura that is in tune with source, where we are navigating and flowing with the current of life and not against it

In theory, this all sounds perfect. Whenever I do this seminar, everyone comments back “I love this, it sounds simple, how do we get started”. and If I’m being honest, it really is simple, but its not easy. why? because there is one character in this game that is committed to you not achieving this level of flow.. welcoming to the stage: your inner critic.

So we have two voices inside of our head: the voice of our soul and the voice of our critic. one feeds on love, and the other on fear, separation and judgment. which one do you think is which?

the inner critic, also referred to as the ego, the inner neighbour , is the clingiest voice that ever existed. it is the voice of constant judgment. it is the voice that separates us from love, from unity, from compassion. it is the voice that tells us we are not good enough, that we are not destined for greatness. it is the voice that feeds off drama, that creates drama.. think of the critic as the clingy unhealthy friend who doesn’t want you to experience joy elsewhere, because then you’d no longer want to befriend the critic who is always putting you down.

What tends to happen, that I notice a lot in my sessions with my clients at the beginning, is that they believe that voice of the critic is their voice. they mistake the critic’s voice as their own, and as a result start to create an identity around the critic’s actions. and over time that identity creates certain limiting emotions that they get stuck in such as shame.

so the first step in laying that foundation is recognizing which voice belongs to our soul, and which voice belongs to the critic. For example, our Soul’s Goal is always to Live a meaningful life, to do we what love, to feel fulfilled and to live with more ease. the critic however tends to create this feeling of fear & doubt within us from dreaming big. Often times, it narrates the following to us:

“This is too much. Who am I to want that house, that partner, that health, that abundance?”

It’s always the voice that says other people can have it, but I can’t and then it will list a million and one reasons why it’s not possible.

so the critic is the voice that delivers and feeds off all our limiting beliefs, and that is why it’s so important to do a mental detox and declutter these existing beliefs because they literally are the content that the critic uses to make us feel less than.

Now you might be thinking, thats great but how do I know what limiting beliefs I’m holding on to? So in the masterclass, I share a visual of a graph called the wheel of life. you can go on my instagram handle @minutesongrowth, and I have it on their too. this graph is divided into 8 equal parts, and these are all areas of our life that impact our experience of reality. they are in no particular order: health, career, finance, spirituality, friends&Family, significant other, hobbies&fun, and personal development. I want you to take a moment and ask yourself where you are in regards to each area out of 10 – meaning out of 10, how is your relationship with your finances? its super important to be as honest as possible when you’re doing this exercise. so ask yourself, where am I? now this is my favourite part… the areas that we give a lower number too, tend to be the areas that we have more limiting beliefs around. so if a client of mine tell me their relationship to finance is a 2 out of 10, then I know that we are harbouring a significant amount of limiting beliefs around money. so this is where we start. we start with the wheel of life and we get really honest and transparent with ourselves about where we are in life and where we’d like to go.

so before we can even engage in the process of conscious manifestation, we need to make sure the soil is ready for us to start planting the seeds that we want to see in our physical reality, and we do that by removing the weeds

now if by any chance, there’s a voice telling you that what you’re hearing is not possible, that its a bunch of mumbo jumbo, remember that it’s the voice of the critic and I just want you to take a moment and remember every single past success that you’ve had, and use those past successes to Believe in yourself, to believe in miracles. and to Believe that you can succeed in any journey that you set your mind to.

I’m going to end the episode here, and next week I’ll dive into the do’s and don’t of manifesting, and then the week after we will cover the 5 steps to manifesting.

Before I go, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be hosting a manifestation retreat this summer in Mykonos from august 5th to the 9th in the most beautiful private villa overlooking the sea, where I’m going to be diving deep into this decluttering process and helping the attendees really become aware of what it is that they would like to let go of, and what it is that they’d like to start experiencing in their reality. there’s more information on my website http://www.minutesongrowth.com or you can reach out to me directly on social media for more information,

once again thank you for listening,

speak soon.

Episode 98 – Keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners?

Click here to listen to Episode 98 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast

Hi Soul-friends,

It’s Tannaz Hosseinpour and welcome back to another short solo episode of minutes on growth. I just finished putting the final touches on a relationship masterclass that I’m presenting this Sunday on healthy communication, and as I was finishing the slides, I thought to myself… all these tools that I’m sharing and that I would love for everyone to learn, does mastering them guarantee success in any dynamic? & while I’d love to say that it will, the truth is that no matter how skilled you are at communication, you can’t communicate your way to a healthy relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner

which made me recognize pattern that I’m seeing a lot in my own private practice: attracting emotionally unavailable partners.

I want to begin by saying that when it comes to relationships, it’s not about who you attract – but rather who you entertain that matters.

A couple of weeks ago, one of my 1:1 clients told me that she was going on a date with a man who seemed great on paper – he even had all the physical attributes she desired in her dream man. To make things even better, their date went great. They had amazing chemistry together!

However, after a couple of weeks, he told her that he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship and that he wasn’t emotionally available for one either. In that moment, she was devastated. Everything seemed to be going so well… If only he hadn’t Brought it up.

In that moment she had a choice.

To either continue seeing him despite what he had straight up told her — like she had in the past, when she would entertain emotionally unavailable men – a choice that usually is made when we listen to the inner critic who tries to convince us that healthy relationship don’t exist especially if we’ve had unhealthy relationships modelled to us as children OR manipulatively uses any feelings of “lack” to convince us that we’re not good enough to have that type of relationship and that she should just settle for breadcrumbs OR maybe our needs aren’t even as important as we think they are and we could try to change ourselves to make it work OR the fixer voice inside of us that dismisses all the facts and says “he doesn’t know what he’s talking about… I can fix him.. I can change him into committing.. he just doesn’t know how amazing I can be.. and once I do x y z that he likes, he’ll change his mind” OR

For a change, she could choose the much more difficult choice of walking away, of breaking the pattern of entertaining unavailable men, and finally creating a new narrative for herself and for her future.

the first choice provided instant gratification but in the long run would be extremely painful because the chances of him changing are not in her control and she’ll end up on a hamster wheel of always feeling like she’s not enough for him regardless of whether she’s mastered all the relational skills that exist, while the second choice would force her into instant temporary discomfort but one that will allow her the opportunity to choose better for herself, to experience a different more expansive form of love, a type of love that the generations before her weren’t able to have because they weren’t even aware of the difference between being emotionally available and unavailable … and by doing so would open the portal of healthy love for the generations to come as well.

Now if my client was emotionally unavailable herself or if she was unaware of her triggers or her inner critic’s voice, then the first choice would be more aligned with where she was in her life… but this wasn’t the case because my client had set an intention in our sessions to only attract and entertain an emotionally available and mature man so that she could co-create the loving and secure relationship her soul truly desired .. a relationship where she could use all the tools that she had learned and actually see the fruits of her labor.. so she made the difficult decision of leaning into the second option.. the one that led her to temporary discomfort, in exchange for delayed but long-lasting gratification in the future..

& let me tell you… saying no to that initial spark, that initial chemistry can be extremely challenging — and sometimes the right decisions are difficult – but I cannot emphasize how many portals of blessings we open up every time we heal a part of ourselves that we had dismissed in the past, either intentionally or subconsciously.

so I’m here to remind you that change is possible.. it’s difficult yes, but if you commit to doing the inner work and showing up for yourself every single day to the best your ability, then it is definitely possible … after all, if the desire exists within you to experience a certain type of love, a love where you both can communicate in a way that has you both feeling heard, seen and valued, then you are meant for that and more.

Sending you lots of love,

Speak soon,

Episode 90 – Is Putting In The Work Worth It? by Tannaz Hosseinpour

Please click here to listen to Episode 90 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast

Hi Soul – Friends,

It’s Tannaz Hosseinpour and welcome back to a short solo episode of Minutes on Growth. I want to briefly talk about the importance of putting in the effort in relationships. Last week, I was in a session with a couple that I’ve recently started working with, and at the end of the session, the gentleman looked at me and said ” why did we not learn these in school and why did we not pick up on these insights as we grew up and as we went through different relationships. why is this knowledge not available to us with experience?”

and it got me thinking.. wow. the work that we do consciously and intentionally in our relationships, we need to seek this knowledge -not all of it comes to us on its own. most of these relational tools and skills is something we have to set an intention to learn and to acquire, and it requires effort so is it worth it? is it worth it to read all these books, to go to all these seminars and listen to the podcasts and enrol in the courses, and go to coaching and therapy? because it’s a lot of effort and we’re putting a lot of time, money and energy into it – In my opinion, it is worth it. Not only as someone who has coached hundreds of couples, but also looking at it through my own experience going to couples therapy and coaching.

reflecting back on my relationships when I was 16 and 17 , even up until the age of 24/25, the quality of my relationships are incomparable to the relationships I have now. Back then drama was a constant in my relationships. Fighting and the silent treatment were on the menu every month.

Back then I didn’t how to communicate my feelings in a way where the other person wouldn’t get defensive. I didn’t know how to gather my thoughts and relay them in a constructive way.

Back then , I didn’t even know what boundaries were so I was stuck in a loop of people pleasing burn out.

Back then I didn’t know how to show love in a way that the other person could feel it and resonate with it.

I’m not only talking about my intimate relationships, but my relationships with my family members and my friends, the tools that I’ve learned over the years and the skills that I’ve enhanced have really changed the quality my life.

and it keeps getting better.

because learning is one thing but implementing is a whole different story so am I implementing the communication skills better today than a year ago? definitely — the more practice you have , the better you become at it and the quality of our life is truly impacted by the quality of our relationships

when we’re able to live in a peaceful home, when we’re able to create a fulfilling environment for ourselves at work , when we’re able to create deep and meaningful bonds with our friends and loved ones, our mood changes. More importantly when we’re able to process heavy emotions and have uncomfortable difficult conversations in a respectful manner.. Its a game changer – the quality of our life significantly increases — so is it worth it? yes

but is it a lot of work? the answer is also yes

I want us to briefly pause and for a second recognize why this work is important.

What we need to take into consideration, is if all of this is learned, and we are now living in a world with tremendous advancements in technology that have allowed us to learn in an instant, whether its online on google or all the content creators on instagram, then we have what our parents didn’t have. our parents didn’t have access to these resources to the scope that we do – so they had to either go to school and study psychology or they had to be avid learners where they had to try much harder to gain access through their local libraries and the amount of material out there was much more limited – so what we need to realize is, okay kids from that generation who are now the millennials, we need to do the work. we are now at that age where we’re now building families, and we’re creating the new generation , so it’s a time sensitive matter.

and we have access to so much information, so its not the access to information that was the issue with our parents, but rather the implementation part of it – putting in the hours and effort to practice what we learn

so this is definitely the time – we are the generation that can change the narrative.

we are the generation that can create mutually fulfilling healthy love stories.

the question is – will we do it?

will we allow ourselves the opportunity to rewire our nervous system?

will we allow ourselves the opportunity to reprogram the way we look at and think about relationships and communication and connection?

for decades, we heard the advice don’t go to bed angry which put so much pressure on couples to resolve matters immediately which could potentially lead to one party abandoning their truth for the sake of “peace at bedtime” which built resentment overtime, but now we know that its okay, its okay to go to bed angry – its okay to pause to allow the nervous system to soothe – not everything needs to be solved right then especially if one of the parties is experiencing a freeze response. It’s okay to pause and come back to the discussion when both parties are calmer and can communicate in a respectful manner

Speaking of respect, now, thanks to psychologists such as Dr John Gottman from the Gottman institute , we know about the 4 horsemen: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt and how their presence in our communication can lead to conflict. For more on the 4 horsemen, please listen to my episode named “Healthy Relationships with Elizabeth Earnshaw” In fact Dr John Gottman’s research shows that if contempt is present in a marriage, there’s a 93% chance the relationship will end in divorce.

The moment we know what contempt is, how it shows up and what the antidote is – we can stop ourselves from engaging in it. So we do have control over the 50% that we bring to the relationship. When we know better, we do better and when we do better, the chances of it getting better increases.

Now we know that people process love differently thanks to Dr Gary Chapman, whose research showed us that people’s primary love languages can look different and thats sometimes couple’s feel like their efforts aren’t being recognized by the other person – because they’re speaking to their partner in their own love language, instead of their partner’s love language.

Once we have awareness of these relational tools, we can become proactive with the quality of our relationship. we can break generational patterns. we can write a new story, one where we are in a loving healthy relationship that brings joy into every cell of our body.

remember, healthy loving relationships aren’t manifested, they are created.

and like everything else in life, if you truly want it, and put in the effort, you can experience it.

and more importantly, you deserve to have it.

Sending you lots of love

Speak soon