Hi Soul-friends, It’s Tannaz Hosseinpour and welcome to another short solo episode of Minutes on Growth. I’ve recently started a weekly Q/A on my instagram account, and I’ve noticed that one topic keeps coming up in different wording, the idea that life is unfair.
Why do we sometimes feel like we’re in a one-sided relationship with life. We’re doing, thinking and saying all the right things, but somehow, it feels like we’re just giving, and not really getting anything in return.
This was definitely me for the longest time. For example, I always felt as if I was the one who was putting all the effort in my friendships, but my friends weren’t there for me just as much, or at work, I was carrying most of the weight. Until I sat down and asked myself, why is this pattern showing up so much in different areas of my life? Why is this story in my life movie? And I had a huge aha moment that really catapulted me into the next version fo myself. You see, giving for me was much easier. Giving was my comfort zone. But why was giving easier for me? Because I was a controlling perfectionist. When I was giving, I had somehow convinced myself that by doing so, I able to control the narrative. That through giving, I was able to validate my sense of self-worth. Giving to feel good for selfish serving. The intention behind my giving was one of the reasons I was having a hard time receiving. Another reason was that in my head, receiving was programmed as weakness. For the longest time, I carried tremendous shame around receiving. I grew extremely independent so any signs of dependence scared me so much. I was walking around with this narrative that I don’t need anyone. I don’t need support. I don’t need this or that. I can do it all on my own. But just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.
The moment I had this realization, I was able to not only start receiving, but to also shift my intention around giving. Giving without a controlling agenda, giving without expectation. Giving solely for the purpose of sharing and serving. Because when we give from a place of love, we have opened our souls to receiving because we want other people to also experience the joy of giving from a place of love. But if we’re giving from a place of ego, we will close ourselves off to receiving, because we don’t want someone else to use us to validate their ego.
I know its a lot to think about, but sit with this thought. Ask yourself, when you’re giving to someone, why are you doing it? And if you’re having a hard time receiving, ask yourself, what are your beliefs around receiving?
In episode 57, I talked about the vertical and horizontal connection, giving horizontally and receiving vertically. Today I want to broaden that and say, please allow yourself to receive from others. Allow others to also experience the joy of giving. Allow them to experience this with you.
Let us let go of this belief that we’re alone, that we’re meant to do it all on our own. You will be surprised when you let down your walls. When I made that shift, I realized that so many of my friends were trying to be there for me but I was the one who was blocking it. At work, there were so many people who wanted to help, but I was pushing them away. When I made that internal shift, my experience of reality shifted too.
I hope today and everyday, you allow yourself to receive both vertically and horizontally.
Thank you for listening,