Click here to listen to Episode 124 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast on Apple Podcast.
Hi Soul-Friends,
It’s Tannaz Hosseinpour and welcome back to another short solo episode of the minutes on growth podcast. I just realized that its been a month since my last episode. time truly flies! I will definitely set an intention to release more episodes this summer but honestly a lot has happened this past month with Ash and I getting engaged which I’ll definitely talk more about in upcoming episodes, but today I wanted to briefly share 5 habits that we’ve been intentionally engaging in everyday these past couple of months that has truly elevated our relational experience, and they’re honestly so simple and basic that they don’t feel significant enough to cause such a grand transformation but I really want you all to try it out and to experience firsthand how powerful they can be,
So I want to begin with gratitude, and we’ve talked a lot about it it before, whether its pertaining to conscious manifestation or just elevating our own experience of reality, gratitude can be extremely transformational in relationships too. a lot of the time, we appreciate who our partner is and how they show up but we don’t vocalize it and so the secret here is to vocalize it as much as possible. it’s the best feeling in the world, when people acknowledge our efforts, and they truly see and hear us. so when we express to our partners, they feel like all the effort that they’re putting into the dynamic is being recognized and that itself becomes motivation to continue doing all the great things. it also gives the person the feeling that I am good enough which is a game changer because we’re living In a society that is constantly trying to convince us that we’re not enough, not pretty enough, not rich enough, not going enough, not having enough time.. so to be in a relationship where we feel enough.. thats sacred. so the simple “thank you for helping me out with my errands”, “thank you for grabbing me coffee”, “thank you for checking in with me today when you knew I was nervous about my appointment”, “thank you for listening to me” .. goes a long way in our relationships.
Next off we have the power of active listening. Often times, we’re with our partners, and they’re speaking to us but we’re not really present with them. Our mind is processing a conversation we had earlier at work, or we’re thinking about our to do list for tomorrow, and in those moments, when we’re not fully present, the other party might take it personally and might start to feel overlooked, not important enough, not heard… which can cause disconnection. not only that, part of active listening is the ability to hear what the other person isn’t saying…picking up on the other person’s body language.. do they look nervous.. are they fidgety.. I have eczema and when I’m stressed out my skin becomes super dry… so it means the world to me when Ash notices is and asks me if anything wrong, but sometimes, up until the moment that he asks me that question, I’m not even aware that I’m experiencing disconnection and disregulation… so it really creates space for me to become aware of my feelings and to ultimately feel and process them, so the art of active listening is so powerful, and side note, this is especially for the men, don’t try to fix your partner’s emotions unless they’ve asked you for that. most of the time, we’re just looking for someone to hold space for us in a safe, non judgmental way. hear us out… let us vent.. hold us tight… emotions don’t need fixing, they just need to be heard.
which brings us to my third point, which is making time for each other. we need to be putting in effort to spend quality time together, even if its just 5 minutes a day. 5 minutes of uninterrupted time, tech free time, where we can just check in with one another and see how the other person is feeling, and how we can stay informed of one another and ultimately how to support each there. so maybe in the morning asking each other what their day is going to look like, and at the end of the day, asking them how it went so they know that you cared to listen (previous point). some people mistake quality time with spending 24/7 together. I have couples who watch 5 hours of tv overnight only to complain in sessions that they don’t feel connected. its not about the hours, but the quality of the connection. now this doesn’t mean that 5 minute connections are all you need. it is important for us to plan date nights every now and then, but don’t overlook and underestimate the power of these few intentional minutes of connection everyday.
and if you’re running low on time, then definitely do this 4th point as much as you can: 6 second kisses and hugs. Why? well research shows that after a six second hug , oxytocin flows through us which lowers blood pressure and helps with anxiety; it lowers cortisol (the stress hormone); and it increases your social connections and sense of belonging. how amazing is that? so the next time you hug your partner, hold on for a little bit longer. when you’re parting ways in the morning, sneak in that 6 second kiss. be intentional with these 2 physical experiences and see how they transform your relationship.
Last but not least, Compliment each other as much as you can. be your partner’s biggest cheerleader. highlight their strengths over and over again. notice the small details. every time you notice and vocalize their strength, that strength grows. let your time together and ultimately your home be a safe space where love grows, where you grow. this ties in a lot with gratitude and the two are just the secret ingredients of deep emotional intimacy.
Outside of my own relationship, I’ve seen complimenting and gratitude transform many relationships. in fact, I recently had a couple. the wife kept complaining that her husband didn’t help around the house, and the husband complained that nothing he did was enough for her and he never felt appreciated. part of the homework that I gave them was to recognize each other’s efforts and to express gratitude for it. at first, she said it felt fake and forced, but after a while, she realized that he was doing a lot for her that she didn’t notice before, and the shocking part was that he felt like he could be doing more than what he was doing before. the more she expressed gratitude, the more he wanted to do. the more she complimented him on his efforts, the more he wanted to put in effort. WIN-WIN.
honestly, Ash and I have always been intentional with these 5 habits, but over the past month, I’ve woken up every morning asking the universe with support to embody and practice all 5 everyday, and I can vouch for how powerful they can be. I know this might be a bit TMI, but in the past, when I was in a very loving mood, ash would ask me “are you ovulating”. he’s been asking that question almost every other day these past few months! so he’s noticing the energy of love expanding in our relationship and so have I!
So soul-friends, write them down and remind yourself of them every single day until they become part of your daily routine and habit. until it becomes part of your auto pilot. I can’t wait for you all to experience powerful relational shifts. you deserve to be in the most loving healthy relationship and I hope these 5 habits help cultivate that!
Sending you lots of love,
speak soon!
Minutes on Growth 