Click here to listen to Episode 167 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast on Spotify, on Apple Podcast or to watch it on Youtube.
Hi soul friends, its Tannaz Hosseinpour and welcome back to another short solo episode of the Minutes on Growth podcast.
With Valentine’s Day coming up, I wanted to talk about something a little different today.
Because lately, in my sessions and in conversations with people in my community, I’ve been hearing that a lot of those who celebrate Valentine’s Day are feeling stressed — whether it’s because of finances, the state of the economy, or simply the emotional heaviness that can come from the state of the world.
For that last piece especially, I recently came across a beautiful reflection from another therapist about the importance of intentionally seeking micro-joys while moving through big pain — those small, meaningful moments that don’t erase what’s hard, but gently remind our nervous systems that warmth, connection, and goodness still exist alongside it.
for the former, I want to gently remind you — despite what social media might suggest — romance is not about money. It’s about attention and thoughtfulness. That’s not to say money isn’t important or that it’s bad — quite the contrary. Money can be a beautiful tool that enhances the quality of our lives when used intentionally. But in the realm of love, money doesn’t automatically equal romance.
Because at the end of the day, love isn’t built on grand gestures once a year. It’s built in the small, intentional micro moments of connection we create every single day.
So today we’re talking about how to make Valentine’s Day special in a meaningful, grounded, emotionally connected way.
Some of the most powerful things you can do cost absolutely nothing.
You could write your partner a love letter. And I don’t mean a quick “I love you.” I mean a real one. Tell them:
- What you admire about them
- A memory that still makes you smile
- A moment when you felt especially grateful for them
- What you’re excited to experience together in the future
There is something deeply regulating and bonding about being seen in words. A letter is something they can come back to on hard days. It becomes emotional security in paper form.
You could also recreate your first date at home. Play the same music, cook something simple, or even just sit together and talk about how you both felt when you first met.
Romance isn’t performance. It’s presence.
Speaking of presence, how we show up emotionally especially during hard seasons might look different too, because Valentine’s Day doesn’t land in a vacuum. Life is still happening.
Some people are dealing with long winters, work stress, financial pressure, family issues, or emotional heaviness. For example, Iranians worldwide are grieving the loss of 90,000 people who were massacred by the regime in the month of January. All of these circumstances can impact mood, energy, and emotional capacity.
Loving someone well means being attuned to their emotional climate, not just the calendar.
Instead of asking, “What big thing should we do for Valentine’s Day?” you might ask:
- “How have you been feeling lately?”
- “What would feel supportive to you right now?”
- “Do you want connection, fun, rest, or space?”
Emotional attunement is one of the strongest predictors of relationship satisfaction. It says, I see where you are, not where I wish you were.
Sometimes the most romantic thing you can say is,
“I know you’ve been overwhelmed. I’m here with you.”
Speaking of romantic, one gentle reminder I like to bring up often in my couple’s therapy sessions is that the goal is to love our partners how they’d like to be loved, and not necessarily how we’d like to be loved.
You’ve probably heard of love languages from The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman — but Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to actually use this knowledge.
If you haven’t come across them before, love languages are the different ways people tend to give and receive love. There are five: Words of Affirmation (verbal appreciation and encouragement), Acts of Service (helpful actions that ease your partner’s life), Receiving Gifts (thoughtful tokens that symbolize care), Quality Time (undivided attention and shared experiences), and Physical Touch (affectionate, comforting contact). Knowing your partner’s primary love language helps you express love in a way that truly lands for them — not just in the way that feels natural to you.
In other words, it isn’t about giving love the way you naturally do. It’s about giving love the way your partner receives it best.
Here are the five love languages, with simple Valentine’s ideas for each:
1️⃣ Words of Affirmation
Write them a note. Send a thoughtful text during the day. Tell them specifically what you appreciate about who they are & not just what they do.
2️⃣ Acts of Service
Take something off their plate. Clean, cook, run an errand, fix something they’ve been putting off. Acts of service say, I care about your stress level.
3️⃣ Quality Time
Put your phones away. Go for a walk. Have a deep conversation. Play a game. Watch a show and actually cuddle and talk about it after. Presence is the gift.
4️⃣ Physical Touch
Longer hugs. Sitting close. Holding hands. A back rub. Gentle, affectionate touch increases oxytocin and feelings of safety.
5️⃣ Receiving Gifts
This doesn’t have to be expensive. A favorite snack, a printed photo of you two, a flower picked on a walk — the meaning matters more than the price tag. And if you do have the financial means to go all out and that feels joyful and aligned for both of you, that’s beautiful too. Whatever works for your relationship.
And I also want to name this gently: if you’re in a season of financial constraint and your partner is expecting something expensive, it’s okay — and actually healthy — to have that conversation. this can actually be an opportunity for deeper connection. Letting them into your inner world might sound like, “I know that gift means a lot to you, and I wish I could do that right now. At the moment, I’m not in a place financially to make that happen — but I still really want to make you feel loved and special.”
Open, honest conversations about money build emotional safety. They help you move from secrecy or pressure into teamwork. It shifts the dynamic from me versus you to us as a team navigating life together.And just because you can’t show up financially in the way you might want to doesn’t mean you can’t show up in other meaningful ways — through presence, effort, care, and emotional availability. That, too, is love.
So yes, loving someone in their language says, I took the time to learn how your heart works.
How beautiful is that? because at the end of the day, don’t we all have the same desire to feel seen, heard, understood and valued?
Which brings me to this… Valentine’s Day is beautiful but a healthy relationship is built in the ordinary Tuesdays.
You don’t have to show up perfectly every day. Life happens. Stress happens. We get tired. We get distracted.
But what matters is the intentional effort we put in to show up to the best of our ability, whatever our best looks like that day.
Waking up and thinking:
“How can I show up for us today, even in a small way?”
Research from John Gottman at The Gottman Institute shows that strong couples maintain about a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. That means small daily kindnesses — smiles, gratitude, affection, humor — create emotional resilience in the relationship. Think of it as deposits in our relational piggy bank.
The Gottmans also talk about the importance of “turning toward” your partner’s bids for connection. When they share something small, ask for attention, make a joke, or sigh after a long day — those are invitations. And responding with warmth instead of distraction builds trust over time.
These are all evidence that love isn’t proven in grand gestures. It’s proven in daily responsiveness.
So this Valentine’s Day, remember:
Love is not about impressing the world.
It’s about nourishing the person beside you.
It’s in the letter.
The listening.
The hug that lasts a little longer.
The choice to show up again tomorrow.
You don’t have to be perfect.
You just have to be intentional.
Happy Valentine’s Day, soul friends.
May your love feel safe, seen, and deeply valued.
I’ll see you in the next episode 💛
Minutes on Growth 