Please click here to listen to Episode 112 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast
Hi Soul friends,
It’s Tannaz and welcome to another short solo episode of the minutes on growth podcast.
Last episode, we briefly talked about the race to finding “the one”, as a result of social media and societal pressures… today I want to talk about the process of finding “the one”
To begin with, does “the one” exist? Disney and hallmark movies have convinced us that they do … but let’s get curious with it..
Let me ask you this … are you the same person you are today as you were 5 or 10 years ago? do you like the same things? think the same way? act the same way? dress the same? you’re most likely thinking to yourself… no I’ve changed over the past decade, and rightfully so.
as human beings, we are constantly growing and evolving especially if we’re being intentional with our personal development and self growth journey, So if that’s the case, would “the one” a decade ago be “the one” today for you? would the same person be “the one” for the 2 different versions of you?
well now it depends… sometimes the answer is yes because couples can grow together but they also can grow apart and we’ve heard this often when couples break up “they’re not the person they once were or we’re no longer compatible”
And that’s my point… “the one” doesn’t exist… “the one right now” definitely exists.
there are over 7 billion people on this planet… the likelihood of us only being right for just 1 person throughout our whole life statistically does not make sense… and in fact is a very disempowering belief too…
Btw this doesn’t mean that you can’t have forever with one person.. you absolutely can, as I mentioned before many couples grow together, but that doesn’t mean if you don’t get to experience that, then you’re doomed.
So who is the one for us right now? & its the person with whom we have a connection, chemistry and compatibility. the 3 magic Cs.
I will definitely get into the 3Cs in a future podcast episode, but today I want to dedicate the next few minutes to the question… “how do I find the one for me right now?”
and the answer is … shifting the way you see and experience dating… so many people want to find the person they can have the 3 magic C’s with, without having to date people who aren’t right for you
But take a moment about it, how do you know who the one for you even is? chances are the experiences you’ve had with other people has helped you recognize what you do want and do not want in a partner.
When we go to the ice cream shop, we ask for samples of different flavours and then we choose the one we like the most… there’s no way for us to definitively know which one flavour is our favourite, if we haven’t tried a few others.
For me personally, every relationship I have ever been in has taught me something about myself… Relationships are perfect opportunities to mirror back to us our strengths, and all the positive attributes we bring to the table as well as our weaknesses, our triggers, and our wounds. Sometimes, our dating experiences teach us that we need healthier boundaries and so that’s an opportunity for us to go learn about boundaries, what they are, how to implement them, how to honour them and so forth.
Sometimes they show us our manipulative tendencies that we need to let go of, sometimes they show us that we need to learn communication skills and how to regulate our emotions during conflict so we don’t shut down or storm out of the room or start yelling… every trigger is an opportunity for self-reflection and growth, if we allow it to be. Btw this process requires mastering the art of non-judgment towards ourselves. If we’re acting a certain way, it means up until this point, this is all that we knew, this was our best. When we know better, we can do better, and relationships give us an opportunity to highlight what we need to proactively work on.
Which is great news because how else can we grow… in one of the earlier episodes of the podcast, I mentioned that from a spiritual perspective, the goal of life is to enter as person A , and leave as Person B, and relationships are the medium through which we can do this.
Also every relationship or dating experience shows us what we desire in a partner.. or what even exists out there. For example, in university, I had this boyfriend who would always show up with flowers or candy on every single date.. we dated for 2 years, and not once did he show up empty handed… sometimes the candy was worth 50 cents, and sometimes the bouquets were huge…so it wasn’t the monetary value but the thought behind it.. . did he have his flaws? absolutely (so did i), but his ability to showcase love through thoughtful gifts (one of the 5 love languages)showed me not only something that I had never experienced before, and now I know that it exists in real life and not just in movies, or books, but also taught me how to do it too. I now receive this feedback often from my friends and family members that I’m a thoughtful gift giver, and it all began with him.
Or the person I dated during my post-graduate studies taught me the importance of self-regulation through his inability to regulation his emotions… I also learned what boundaries were in that relationship… I kept thinking to myself “how can I emotionally protect myself when he is yelling on the phone?” and that lead me to learning about boundaries and learning to say “I want to hear you but if you raise your voice I will leave the conversation”
Or a long-term relationship of mine taught me that having a reciprocated respectful relationship with my partner’s family was a non negotiable for me.. before then I would say it wasn’t important… but that relationship showed me that it was …might not be for everyone but for me it was so after that, I would keep an eye out for that.
Every date, every partner, teaches us something…shows us our desires and non-negotiables through both their positive and negative traits. So without them, we technically would have NO IDEA who the one for us looks like.
And soul-friends, thats the point of today’s podcast episode. it’s embracing the dating journey and not trying to bypass , rush or even hate it, because every date, gives us insight into the right person for us.
so let’s set an intention to shift the way we look at dating, and all our past dating experiences, and honour them for helping us gain clarity.
sending you lots of love,
speak soon.
Minutes on Growth 