Click here to listen to Episode 157 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast on Spotify, on Apple Podcast or to watch it on Youtube.
Hi Soul-friends, it’s Tannaz Hosseinpour and welcome back to another short solo episode of the Minutes on Growth Podcast.
Today, I want to share a simple phrase that completely changed the way I show up in my relationship, and one that I think many of you will resonate with
A few years ago, I was venting to my therapist about all the little things I was constantly doing to “keep the peace” … handling the chores, managing the schedules, remembering all the to-dos, and constantly having to clean the house….
When she looked at me, and after a long pause, gently said:
“Stop picking up the sock.”
Now, she wasn’t just talking about a literal sock on the floor.
It was a metaphor … for all the invisible labor I was carrying that wasn’t mine to hold.
The emotional labor.
The mental load.
The tiny, unseen ways I was over-functioning every day.
Doing things just to get them done, or so he wouldn’t have to, or because I didn’t want to feel the discomfort of waiting.
But here’s the truth:
Every time you pick up a sock that isn’t yours, you create a dynamic that becomes hard to unwind.
This is deeply connected to our nervous system.
Sometimes we over-function — we manage, fix, anticipate — because that keeps us regulated.
Because letting things drop or leaving space for someone else to take responsibility?
That can feel really uncomfortable.
But if you keep doing everything, your partner never has the chance to show up.
And you never get to experience the relationship you actually want ; the one where the labor is shared, and love is a co-creation.
Picking up the sock becomes a slippery slope — because soon, one partner becomes the parent, and the other becomes the child.
You start feeling like the manager.
They start acting like the dependent.
And suddenly, the intimacy shifts — because nobody wants to feel romantic toward their manager.
You start keeping score.
You start feeling unseen.
And instead of collaboration, it becomes quiet resentment.
so let’s look at where this comes from…
Most of us learned this pattern early on.
Maybe you were the eldest child that was the responsible child.
Maybe love was modeled to you as self-sacrifice.
Maybe you thought being “good” meant being accommodating.
But love doesn’t mean doing everything.
Love means doing your part — and trusting your partner to do theirs.
& so that day, my therapist started to teach me ways to break the cycle
Here’s what helped me break free…
- Notice the impulse.
Catch yourself when you’re about to “just do it” again.
Ask: Is this something I need to take on? Or something I’m choosing out of habit? - Allow space.
Can the sock stay on the floor for a bit?
Can you let someone else notice it and decide to act? - Regulate the discomfort.
It might feel so hard to leave things undone.
But sit with that discomfort. That’s the real work. - Trust their capacity.
Your partner isn’t helpless.
Let them rise — or let them take accountability if they don’t. - Let Natural Consequences Happen
If they forget something, let them feel it.
That’s how accountability and growth happen. - Talk about it openly.
Let your partner know you’re stepping back from doing everything — and why.
Invite collaboration, not confrontation.
💡 Final Thoughts
So the next time you feel the urge to pick up the sock, to jump in and fix it,
to make the call, to clean the thing, to remember the birthday —
pause and ask yourself:
Is picking this up serving the relationship — or is it silently eroding it?
“Is picking this up an act of love… or is it an act of fear?”
Let this be your reminder:
You don’t have to hold everything.
You get to share the weight.
And that soul-friends is what builds real intimacy.
Sending you love,
Until next time,
Minutes on Growth 