Episode 134 – Nothing Is A Coincidence

To listen to Episode 134 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast, click here for Apple Podcast, click here for Spotify, or click here to watch on Youtube.

Hi Soul Friends, it’s Tannaz Hosseinpour and welcome back to another short solo episode of the Minutes on Growth podcast. Today, we’re going to talk about something that has truly transformed the way I experience life: the belief that nothing is a coincidence and that everything is happening for us, not to us.

When we start to see the universe as a supportive entity—one that’s divinely guiding us through every challenge, every delay, and every redirection—it brings a sense of calm and trust that completely shifts our experience of reality. Today, I want to share some personal stories that highlight how this belief has shown up in my life and invite you to reflect on the beliefs you’re holding and how they’re impacting your nervous system.


Recently, someone asked me, “How do you know for sure that everything is divinely guided?” And I told them, “No one knows anything for sure. But the real question is, which belief will enable you to live a calmer, more grounded experience of reality?”

For me, choosing to trust that everything is unfolding exactly as it should has allowed me to navigate challenges and delays with a sense of ease. This doesn’t mean we let go and do nothing; it means we take inspired action from a regulated, grounded state. Let me share an example that perfectly illustrates this.


Ash and I were recently in Thailand, and we had rented a bike to visit some beautiful waterfalls. To get to the waterfalls, we had to park the bike and take a small bus. After enjoying the waterfalls, we returned to the motorbike, and that’s when Ash realized he didn’t have the keys.

Immediately, he started to panic, saying things like, “Oh my god, what are we going to do now?!” And in that moment, I could see how the belief you hold changes everything. I took a deep breath and told him, “Let’s stay calm. We’ll figure this out together.”

At this stage of my life, I’ve come to trust that when something like this happens—whether it’s losing something, facing a delay, or even a major challenge—it’s happening for a reason. In Farsi, we have a beautiful word for this: khayr, meaning there’s a blessing behind it.

As Ash panicked, I stayed grounded. He thought he might have dropped the keys in the waterfall, but I told him, “That’s unlikely. Let’s retrace our steps.” I went to the bike, checked around, and then asked the management to call the bus driver. They kindly agreed, and as we were driving to the waterfall to look for the keys, we saw the bus driver.

The moment I saw him, I told Ash, “Pull out 100 and give it to him.” He asked me how I knew the driver had the keys, and I just said, “Trust me.” And sure enough, when we reached him, the driver had found the keys at the bottom of the bus.

Here’s the amazing part: the management staff also told us, “You need to give him 100.” It was such a powerful moment. I told Ash, “You became the vessel for this driver to receive this 100 today. That’s why this happened.” Nothing about this was random—it was all divinely guided.


Later that day, something else happened. After grabbing a bite to eat at KFC, we drove back to the hotel, only for me to realize I had left my bag behind. My bag had my medicine, wallet, and credit cards—everything. Normally, I never forget things like this.

Ash was concerned about the time because I had a session scheduled soon. He said, “If we go back, we’ll barely make it.”But I told him, “There’s a reason we’re not meant to be at the hotel right now. Let’s trust this.”

We went back, and the staff at the restaurant were so kind. They had kept my bag safe and asked me to check that everything was still inside. In that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of safety and trust—not just in the people around me, but in the universe as a whole.

Whether the purpose of this delay was to reaffirm my feeling of safety or to prevent us from being at the hotel at a certain time, I’ll never know. But that’s the beauty of trusting that everything is happening for us, even when it doesn’t make immediate sense.


In both of these situations, I could have panicked. I could have spiraled into “Why is this happening to me?” But instead, I chose to trust that there was a reason—and that belief completely changed my experience.

Ash, on the other hand, was holding a different belief. His panic created a sense of urgency and stress that affected how he approached the situation. This is why it’s so important to ask yourself: What beliefs am I entertaining, and how are they impacting my nervous system?

When we hold the belief that the universe is working for us, it allows us to stay calm and take inspired action from a grounded place. It’s not about passivity; it’s about trusting that you’re capable of handling whatever comes your way.


So, the next time life throws you a curveball, I invite you to pause and ask yourself:

  • What is this moment teaching me?
  • What belief will allow me to experience this situation with calm and trust?

When we see life as divinely guided, we open ourselves up to a more grounded, peaceful way of being. We realize that every delay, every challenge, is an opportunity for growth and alignment.

Thank you so much for joining me today. If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Share this episode with someone who might need this reminder. Until next time, take care, stay grounded, and trust that the universe has your back.

Episode 133 – Spiritual Awakening with David Hulse

Here are the links to Episode 133 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast:

Apple Podcast

Spotify

Youtube

Episode 132- Am I The Problem?

Click here to listen to Episode 132 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast on Apple Podcast, on Spotify

Hi Soul Friends,

It’s Tannaz Hosseinpour, and welcome to another short solo episode of The Minutes on Growth podcast. Before we begin, I wanted to begin by saying happy valentines day! may you all know that you are worthy of love, and feel the energetic frequency of love with yourself, with your friends, with your family, co-workers, strangers and with your romantic partner if you’re in a relationship. today as I woke up next to Ash, I couldn’t help but reflect on how I ended up here… the journey of getting to a place where I’m comfortable showing up as my true quirky self and experiencing life with an emotionally safe partner. Healthy relationships weren’t modelled to me growing up so to be able to change that narrative for myself is one I’m deeply grateful for. So I decided to dedicate today’s episode to the journey of getting here. Today, I want to share something deeply personal—an experience that shaped the way I showed up in relationships for years, without me even realizing it. And I want to talk about a question that changed my life and ultimately helped me get to where I am today:

“Am I the problem?”

For the longest time, I kept finding myself in the same patterns—friendships where I felt like I was giving more than I was receiving, relationships that left me emotionally drained, and situations that made me question my worth. And for years, I thought, Maybe I just have bad luck. Maybe I keep attracting the wrong people. Maybe I just need to try harder.

But then, I had a realization that hit me hard. The only constant in all these experiences was me.

And while that could have felt like a devastating truth, it actually became an opportunity—an invitation to go within and see what needed to change.

The Middle School Moment That Changed Everything

I want to take you back to seventh grade.

At the time, I had a best friend who felt like my other half. We did everything together—passing notes in class, sleepovers, whispering secrets over the phone, planning our futures like we were going to be inseparable forever. You know that kind of friendship where you feel like nothing could break it? That was us.

Until one day, she handed me a letter.

A letter telling me that she couldn’t be my friend anymore.

I remember my hands shaking as I unfolded it, my stomach dropping as I read the words. And the reason?

Because my dad didn’t allow me to wear short skirts to the mall. Because I had a stricter curfew than she did.

That moment shattered something inside me. I didn’t just feel abandoned—I felt like I wasn’t enough. That somehow, because I had different family values, different boundaries, I was less worthy of love and connection.

And here’s the thing—I didn’t realize it at the time, but that single moment planted a belief deep in my subconscious. A belief that said:

“If I want to keep people close, I need to make sure I don’t make them uncomfortable.”
“I need to fit in, adjust, and make myself more accommodating so I don’t lose them.”

And from that moment on, without even realizing it, I started over-giving.

I became the friend who would drop everything for people, the one who always said yes, the one who was always there—sometimes at the expense of myself. I thought that love and friendship had to be earned.

Then, a few years later, something happened that reinforced this belief even further.

That same best friend and I found out that we were dating the same boy.

He was cheating on both of us.

And when I found out, I wish I could say I was angry, that I immediately walked away with my self-respect intact. But the truth? I questioned myself.

Instead of blaming him, I thought:
“Why wasn’t I enough for him to choose me?”
“What does she have that I don’t?”
“Maybe if I was prettier, cooler, more fun—he would have loved me more.”

And that’s when it hit me.

The patterns I was experiencing weren’t just coincidences. They were reflections of the way I viewed myself.

And at the root of it all, there was a belief:

“Who I am isn’t enough to be fully chosen.”

The Wounded Feminine & Masculine: Why This Happens

I didn’t know it at the time, but what I was operating from was wounded feminine energy.

Let me explain.

We all have both feminine and masculine energy within us—this is the concept of yin and yang.

The feminine is the energy of flow, intuition, nurturing, softness, and receiving. It’s the part of us that feels deeply, connects, and embraces emotions.

The masculine is the energy of structure, action, logic, and protection. It’s the part of us that sets boundaries, takes decisive steps, and provides stability.

When these energies are balanced, life feels expansive—not draining. Love flows more freely, boundaries feel natural, and we show up in our relationships from a place of confidence rather than fear.

But when these energies become wounded, they lead to patterns that keep us stuck.

Wounded Feminine Energy Looks Like:

  • Over-giving in relationships, hoping it will make people stay
  • Having no boundaries, fearing that saying no will push people away
  • Seeking validation outside of yourself—feeling like your worth depends on someone choosing you
  • Suppressing your needs to accommodate others

On the other hand…

Wounded Masculine Energy Looks Like:

  • Being emotionally shut down or avoiding vulnerability
  • Overworking, trying to prove yourself through achievement
  • Feeling the need to control everything because deep down, you don’t feel safe
  • Rejecting help or support because you see it as weakness

When we operate from wounded feminine energy, we attract relationships that reflect that wounding.

And that’s exactly what I had been doing.

Healing & The Inner Work That Changed Everything

The real turning point for me was when I stopped looking outward for validation and started looking inward for healing.

I started asking myself:

  • Where am I over-giving, and why do I feel the need to?
  • What part of me is still trying to prove my worth?
  • What would change if I truly believed I was enough, without having to earn it?

And when I started healing these wounds, everything shifted.

I started setting boundaries—not out of anger, but out of self-respect.
I stopped chasing people, validation, or love.
I realized that the right people would never require me to overextend myself to be loved.

And this is the work we do inside Manifesting Love: Self-Love Edition.

Because healing the wounded feminine isn’t just about thinking differently—it requires deep subconscious healing, nervous system work, and unlearning years of conditioning.

Inside this 5-week program, we go beyond mindset shifts. We work on:
✨ Healing the subconscious beliefs that make us over-give and people-please
✨ Balancing masculine & feminine energy, so love feels expansive—not draining
✨ Somatic practices that help us feel safe in our worth, without external validation
✨ Breaking cycles of self-doubt, over-giving, and proving our worth

This is the work that changed everything for me.

If this episode resonates with you, I invite you to join me inside Manifesting Love: Self-Love Edition—our 5-week journey of transformation starting March 2nd.

You don’t have to keep repeating the same painful cycles to learn the same lesson.

📍Click here to learn more.

And remember—your worth isn’t something you have to prove. It’s something you embody.

Sending you all my love, and I’ll see you in the next episode. 💖

Episode 131 – Guided Meditation on Self Love and Confidence

Click here to listen to the meditation on:

Spotify

Apple Podcast

Insight Timer

Episode 130 – Relationship Vs. Career

Click here to listen to Episode 130 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast on Apple Podcast, on Spotify and on Youtube.

Hi Soul Friends, it’s Tannaz Hosseinpour, and welcome back to another short solo episode of the Minutes On Growth Podcast.  Today, I want to talk about prioritizing your relationship versus your career. This conversation was inspired by a chat I recently had with my uncle, where we talked about how work culture in North America differs so much from other parts of the world, particularly the Middle East, where I spent a lot of my childhood summers.

In North America, there’s this constant hustle—a 9-to-5 grind, often extending far beyond that, with busyness almost worn as a badge of honor. In contrast, cultures like the Middle East incorporate rest and connection into daily life. For example, in Iran, it’s common to take an extended break after lunch—almost like the Spanish siesta. Growing up, when I’d visit my grandparents in the summers, I’d notice how my grandfather would close his shop and come home to have lunch with my grandmother. This wasn’t just a quick bite; it was a daily ritual. They would sit together, eat, and talk about their day. It might have only lasted 30 minutes, but it created a sense of connection that grounded their relationship.

Looking back, I realize how those small, intentional moments made a big difference. My uncle shared something that really stuck with me: he’s heard from friends that many couples he knows are separating, not because they don’t love each other, but because they feel disconnected. This disconnection often stems from one or both partners focusing so heavily on their careers that the relationship gets pushed to the side.

Now, I’m not here to say that your career isn’t important. It absolutely is. But what I want to explore today is the idea that prioritizing your career doesn’t mean your relationship has to take a backseat. In fact, when we give our relationships the attention and care they require, they can actually fuel our success in other areas of life, including our careers.

Research has shown that the quality of our relationships directly impacts the quality of our health and life. When we feel supported, connected, and loved, it has a ripple effect on everything else. Personally, I notice such a difference when Ash and I are connected. After spending quality time together, I feel more grounded, creative, and focused. And when I say quality time, I don’t mean spending endless hours together. It’s not about the quantity—it’s about the quality. Even 30 minutes of intentional connection can make a huge difference.

For my grandparents, it was their daily lunch ritual. They didn’t have cell phones or distractions during that time. They simply talked, shared their thoughts, and reconnected. And while they may not have realized it then, those moments strengthened their bond and provided the emotional grounding they needed to face life’s challenges together.

This idea of rituals of connection is something the Gottman Institute emphasizes in their research. Small, consistent habits—like having coffee together in the morning, checking in at the end of the day, or even just sharing a meal—create a sense of stability and closeness in a relationship. These rituals don’t have to be grand; they just have to be intentional.

I know there’s a common belief out there that says, “I’ll focus on a relationship when I’ve established my career,” or “I don’t have time for both.” But the truth is, you don’t have to choose one over the other. A healthy, supportive relationship can actually enhance your career. It gives you a sense of stability and clarity that allows you to show up as your best self.

On the flip side, I understand how an unhealthy relationship can be draining. If there’s constant conflict or unmet needs, it can take up so much mental energy that it becomes hard to focus on anything else. But that’s why it’s so important to invest time and effort into cultivating a healthy relationship. When both partners are committed to supporting each other, it creates a foundation that benefits every aspect of life.

Now, let’s talk about what prioritizing a relationship can look like in practical terms. 

First, it’s important to recognize that everyone’s dynamic is different. Some people thrive in traditional setups, where one partner works while the other manages the household. Others prefer a more balanced approach, where both partners contribute financially and share responsibilities. The key is to have open conversations about what works for you and your partner.

Next off, One of the most powerful ways to do this is by setting up rituals of connection. These don’t have to be elaborate or time-consuming. It could be as simple as:

  • Having a phone-free dinner together.
  • Taking a 10-minute walk in the evening.
  • Sending each other a thoughtful text during the day.

The idea is to create moments where you’re fully present with each other, even if it’s just for a few minutes.

Another important aspect is understanding your own money mindset and how it impacts your relationship. In my uncle’s story, we also talked about how financial stress often adds to relationship strain. If one partner feels pressured to work longer hours to provide, or if societal expectations create unrealistic comparisons—like what we see on social media—it can lead to feelings of inadequacy or resentment. That’s why it’s so important to communicate openly about finances and create shared goals that align with your values. And if you want help in navigating these conversations, check out my couples and money workbook, where I provide prompts and guidance on navigating financial expectations, beliefs, patterns, shared dreams, and so much more. 

Finally, I want to emphasize that success isn’t just about achieving career milestones. It’s about living a life that feels meaningful and fulfilling—and relationships play a huge role in that. At the end of the day, what’s the point of career success if you don’t have someone to share it with?

So, if you’re feeling like your relationship has been taking a backseat to your career, I encourage you to take a step back and reflect. What small, intentional actions can you take to reconnect with your partner? It doesn’t have to be complicated—sometimes, the simplest things have the biggest impact.

Thank you for joining me for this episode. Speak soon

Episode 129 – Navigating Finances in Your Relationship

Click here to listen to Episode 129 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify

Welcome back, soul friends. I’m Tannaz Hosseinpour, your host of the Minutes on Growth podcast, and I’d like to begin by offering a delayed happy new year message. I unfortunately lost my voice and was unable to record sooner but I am so excited to have it back and to be able to present the first short solo episode of 2025!

As we step into this new year, I want to dive into a topic that came up frequently during the holidays—finances in a relationship and how to navigate them. This is such an important conversation because it touches every part of our lives, whether you’re in a relationship, dating, or considering long-term commitments.

Today, we’ll explore this topic from both a macro and micro perspective, diving into cultural, legal, economic, and personal beliefs and boundaries.

At a macro level, let’s acknowledge how much financial dynamics in relationships have shifted over time. Two generations ago—or even just one—it was much more common for households to thrive on a single income. of course there’s many reasons for this. one is cultural, the other is there were less women in the workforce, and less women getting a post secondary education. I know for me, it was heavily influenced by culture, Coming from a Middle Eastern background, I grew up in a family where my grandfather was the sole provider while my grandmother was a stay-at-home mom even though she had many skills that she could generate income from. The same applied to my parents: my father was the breadwinner, and my mom took care of the household and children, despite being educated.

However, when we moved to Canada, I began noticing a shift. Dual-income households were much more common, and being in that environment, and noticing the cultural differences, my mom developed a desire for financial independence. She eventually started her own business and became financially independent.

In a previous podcast episode, I interviewed Monica Parikh, a NY based dating coach, who shared that one of the most important elements in dating is for women to have financial independence. She explained that financial independence allows women to want to be in a relationship rather than need to be in one because of financial constraints. This independence gives women the freedom to navigate relationships better and leave unhealthy dynamics if necessary. I definitely witnessed this in the Middle East. I conversed with many who expressed their desire to leave their unfulfilling marriage, but weren’t able to because of finances so I understood her stance on it.

This highlights how cultural values, economic realities, and even legal frameworks intersect. For example, in Canada, the laws around common-law relationships can significantly impact finances. In British Columbia, after two years of living together, common-law couples automatically take on the same financial obligations as married couples, including property, debt, and retirement savings. In contrast, in Middle Eastern countries, this concept doesn’t exist. The laws where you live will dictate certain financial responsibilities, so it’s important to factor these into your conversations.

Social media has added another layer to this conversation. The displays of wealth we see—luxury vacations, extravagant gifts, and influencers promoting an idealized version of relationships—can create unrealistic expectations. I’ve had men share with me during private sessions that they feel immense pressure to provide based on what they see on social media. This pressure often leads to feelings of inadequacy, but many don’t discuss it with their partners because of the shame and taboo surrounding finances.

It’s also crucial to remember that everyone’s expectations are different. Some men want a partner who contributes financially, while others prefer a stay-at-home partner. If a partner is staying at home, how are non-monetary contributions valued, seen and appreciated? Similarly, some women prioritize financial independence, while others prefer a more traditional setup. The key is finding alignment with your partner and crafting a system that works for both of you.

On a more personal level, our money beliefs are deeply influenced by our upbringing and life experiences. For instance, even though my brother and I grew up in the same household, we have very different money beliefs. The version of our parents we experienced was not the same. I had a different relationship with money growing up than my brother did because the circumstances surrounding money evolved over time.

Our individual money stories can show up in relationships in unexpected ways. For example, think about how money was discussed in your family of origin. Was it even discussed? Did you grow up hearing things like, “Money doesn’t grow on trees,” or was money readily available? How did your parents approach spending—on themselves, on you, or on others? These patterns shape our money mindset and influence how we view and manage finances in adulthood.

Another way to better understand your money beliefs is to notice what triggers you. For instance, if you go on social media and feel triggered by posts of men gifting women extravagant gifts, ask yourself: What is the root cause of this trigger? Is it because you believe that financial displays equal love? Is it because you feel your partner should provide more, or is it because you want to be able to afford similar luxuries for yourself? Taking the time to reflect on these triggers can provide valuable insight into your money mindset.

As we start to examine our beliefs, it’s important to ask: Are these truly my beliefs, or are they beliefs I’ve been conditioned to have? For instance, someone might believe that financial stability means owning a home, while their partner might define it as having six months’ worth of savings. These differences need to be explored and discussed openly.

Another key aspect of this conversation is setting financial boundaries. Boundaries around finances can look different for every couple. For instance, one partner might prioritize saving, while the other values spending on experiences or material items. Without clear communication, these differences can lead to misunderstandings or resentment.

I worked with one couple who contributed equally to household expenses and also divided household chores equally, but the husband also covered the cost of his wife’s self-care. This made her feel taken care of, and it worked beautifully for their dynamic. This is a perfect example of how financial systems can be tailored to fit the unique needs of each relationship.

I’ve also worked with couples where one partner is the primary breadwinner however due to unforeseen circumstances, they had to temporarily change the dynamics and both financially contribute to be able to navigate the challenges. The ability to have honest conversations respectfully, and work as a team is key when discussing finances.

Couples often ask me, “What is the right way to handle finances in a relationship?” The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. The “right way” is the way that feels fair and aligned for both partners. For some, that might mean splitting expenses equally. For others, it could mean one partner contributes more financially while the other takes on a different role in the household. The key is finding a balance that honors your individual values and relational goals.

To help you navigate these conversations, I’ve created a super useful resource: an 18 page guide filled with prompting questions specifically designed to help you and your partner explore your financial beliefs, boundaries, and expectations. each question is meticulously crafted based on research or on my own experience with my clients and even in my own relationship.

This activity is especially powerful at the start of the year as we’re setting and committing to our New Years resolutions. With clarity comes a reduction in misunderstandings, a stronger sense of alignment, and an opportunity for growth—both individually and as a couple.

Navigating finances in a relationship is a complex but deeply rewarding process. It requires open communication, a willingness to compromise, and the courage to explore your own beliefs. Finances are not just about numbers—they’re about values, trust, and the life you want to build together, the shared dreams you’re both working towards.

Thank you for joining me for this first episode of 2025. If you’re ready to dive deeper, download the resource linked in the show notes. Wishing you a year filled with clarity, growth, and meaningful connections. Until next time, take care and keep growing!

Episode 127 – Nervous System Regulation

Click here to listen to Episode127 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify or Amazon Music.

Hi soul friends, it’s Tannaz Hosseinpour, and welcome back to another short solo episode of the Minutes on Growthpodcast.

As some of you know, this past month was filled with excitement as I planned for my engagement weekend which was so much fun, but once it finished, I had a realization that I feel is so important to share with you all today. It’s a topic that’s gaining some attention on social media, but I still believe it’s not getting the recognition it truly deserves. This topic is at the very core of how we show up in our lives—how we handle stress, how we interact with others, and how we navigate through our challenges. And that topic is nervous system regulation.

So leading up to my engagement weekend, so many people asked me if I was stressed out, or if Ash and I were fighting over the planning, and my answer was honestly no. I wasn’t feeling stressed, primarily because I genuinely love hosting and organizing events. Yes, this one was significantly larger than anything I’d ever planned before, but I approached it with the same principles of organization and discipline that I always use. So I thought I had everything under control… until

about a week before the actual engagement, I started to notice something shifting. Before I talk about the shift, I think it’s important to let you know when I was planning out the dates, I had from the beginning decided to take a week off work prior to the engagement so that week that I noticed the shift in my body, I was off of work. During that week, my processing was that its perhaps nerves, excitement, or a mix of both. I could feel the quality of my sleep declining, my patience wearing thin, and this underlying sense of being on edge that I couldn’t quite shake. There were even moments where I’d be so overwhelmed that I just froze – I would be starting at me white board filled with informations and tasks, but unable to move or process what I needed to do next. As someone who prides herself on staying composed and organized, it was so confusing since time wise, I did have time, I mean my schedule was cleared out so I couldn’t understand why I was feeling overwhelmed.

Once all the festivities were over, and our loved ones had returned home, I took a moment to sit with myself and reflect on what had happened. Why….Why was my body reacting this way, despite my best efforts to stay on top of everything? That’s when it hit me: even though I had all my organizational tools and structures in place, my nervous system wasn’t regulated.My body didn’t feel safe or grounded in those moments, which made it difficult to process everything with clarity and peace. No matter how much we prepare mentally, if our nervous system isn’t on our side, it can be nearly impossible to stay balanced and present. Mind-body connection is real!

But you might be wondering why my nervous system was disregulated..well… it’s all because I had cleared my calendar…it sounds odd, but when I am working full-time, I am very intentional with making time for nervous system regulation tools in between my sessions with my clients because it’s super important that I take a grounded energy with me into sessions. So I usually go on walks in the middle of the day, I do balance breathing before an after every session, I do some shaking and movement at the end of my working day. So I’m constantly regulating my nervous system throughout the day. But because I had cleared my schedule for that week, I have completely blanked out and forgot about all these small simple yet profound daily regulation tools so all the stressors pertaining to planning the weekend were there but there was no outlet or medium of regulation present. So prior to that week off, yes I was getting stressed out I was getting triggered but I was balancing it out with these tools. No remove the tools, all you have left is stressors.

I realized that I was so caught up in my to-do list that I completely neglected my own needs. I wasn’t giving myself the time and space to breathe, to ground, to regulate. I really wasn’t doing the things that usually help me stay centered, like going for walks or dancing. It’s no wonder that my mind and body were all over the place.

Do use the analogy of a cup, and whenever there is a stressor come off the cupcakes for, and whenever we engage in regulation tools, the cup is empty. If we’re not emptying out the stressors, it will lead to overflow.

This experience brought me back to the importance of nervous system regulation, and I want to take a moment to explain what that actually means from a scientific perspective. So at the heart of our ability to regulate lies the autonomic nervous system (ANS), which is like the control center for how our body responds to stress and relaxation. The ANS has two main branches: the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system.

The sympathetic nervous system is what we often refer to as the “fight or flight” response. It’s what kicks in when we sense danger or when we’re under stress, getting our body ready to take action. On the other hand, the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for the “rest and digest” response, where our body slows down, calms, and restores itself. Both systems are essential, and they each have their place. There are times when we need to be alert and active, but there are also times when we need to allow ourselves to relax and recover.

The key is knowing when to activate each state and, more importantly, how to bring ourselves back to that state of calm when we need it most. It’s about finding that equilibrium where we can shift out of fight-or-flight mode when the threat has passed and allow ourselves to rest without getting stuck in inaction. This balance helps us approach our relationships, our work, and our daily challenges with a sense of clarity.

The truth is, we can’t always control what happens around us, the unexpected stressors, the challenges, the curveballs life throws our way. But what we can control is how we respond to those situations. When our nervous system is regulated, we’re able to respond rather than react. We can pause, take a breath, and choose how to engage with whatever comes our way. This ability to stay grounded, even when things get chaotic on the outside, is what allows us to navigate life’s ups and downs with resilience and grace.

Let’s talk about what happens when we’re in the wrong state. When we’re stuck in a heightened sympathetic state, or ‘fight or flight’ mode, which I was that week, it’s like our body is constantly on alert, ready to face a threat. This state is essential in genuinely dangerous situations—it gives us the energy to act quickly. But if we stay in this state for too long or trigger it unnecessarily, it can take a toll on our mental and physical health. We might find ourselves feeling constantly anxious, irritable, and unable to relax. Our thoughts can become scattered, our decision-making abilities get clouded, and we tend to react impulsively rather than respond thoughtfully. This is when communication breaks down because we’re so on edge that even a small misunderstanding can escalate into a bigger conflict.

I see this often in my work with couples. They come to me feeling stressed out, saying they want to learn better communication skills or techniques to navigate their conflicts more effectively. But what they really want—what they truly need—is to feel calmer and more regulated in their nervous systems. Because when we’re in a dysregulated state, it’s almost impossible to communicate calmly and openly. We become defensive, on edge, and reactive, which only deepens misunderstandings and creates distance between us and the people we care about.

On the other hand, if we get stuck in a parasympathetic state, or ‘rest and digest’ mode, when we actually need to be alert and active, we can end up feeling unmotivated, lethargic, and unable to take action. This can make us feel like we’re in a fog, lacking the energy and drive to accomplish our goals, which ultimately leads to frustration and self-doubt.

When we prioritize nervous system regulation, we give ourselves the ability to empty the cup when it gets full, and engage with life from a place of presence. It’s about finding that equilibrium where we can shift out of fight-or-flight mode when the threat has passed and allow ourselves to rest without getting stuck in inaction. This balance helps us approach our relationships, our work, and our daily challenges with a sense of clarity.

This whole experience inspired me to create a free resource for you: an ebook with 11 simple yet profound nervous system regulation tools that you can incorporate into your daily routine. I created this ebook not just for all of you, but as a reminder to myself to make time for these small yet powerful practices that keep us centered and grounded. So, soul-friends, I hope it serves you and empowers you to step into a state of regulation.

By the way I feel like I need to share this because it relates so much to the topic and it was the universe’s way of saying practice what you preach it but I first recorded this episode right after I had finished my sessions of the day yesterday and after I finished recording I realized, wait a second my voice sounds a little bit angsty, I was speaking too fast, and my hands are fidgety. So I told myself get up go for a walk, ground yourself and come back and re-record this and I’m so glad I did because I brought a whole different energy to this episode.

So thank you so much for tuning in today.

I hope this episode serves as a gentle nudge to listen to your body and to give it the attention it deserves.

Until next time, take care, stay grounded, and I’ll speak to you soon

Episode 126 – Embracing Life’s Transitions: Soul Growth, Relationships, and the Power of Spirit with Kim Colella

Please click here to listen to Episode 126 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify or watch the video on Youtube.