Minutes on Growth

Episode 164 – Boundaries During The Holiday Season

Click here to listen to Episode 164 of the Minutes on Growth podcast on Spotify, on Apple podcast or to watch it on Youtube

Hi everyone, and welcome back to Minutes on Growth. I’m your host, Tannaz — and today we’re talking about something that comes up in my sessions almost every single day: boundaries.

In this episode, I want to walk you through:

Common misconceptions around boundaries
The importance of culturally sensitive boundaries
Why validation matters when setting boundaries
And 5 boundary scripts you can use right away this holiday season — loving, kind, yet firm.

Part 1: What Boundaries Are Not

Let’s start with a clarification I wish more people talked about:

Boundaries are not ultimatums.

A boundary is about your own behavior—how you’ll respond in order to maintain your well-being.
An ultimatum is usually about controlling another person’s behavior, often with a consequence attached.

💬 For example:

Ultimatum:

“If you keep showing up late to family dinners, I’m just not going to come anymore.”

This puts pressure on the other person to change or else, and often triggers defensiveness, shame, or power struggles.

Boundary:

“When dinners start much later than planned, I notice I get dysregulated and irritable. I’m going to arrive at the start time, and if things run late, I may head out earlier so I can take care of my energy.”

Here, you’re not demanding change — you’re naming your limit and your response.

Why This Matters

A boundary says: “I’m responsible for my nervous system.”
An ultimatum says: “You’re responsible for my comfort.”

Boundaries are self-honoring. They say: “Here’s what I need to stay grounded and connected with you.”
Ultimatums, on the other hand, often erode connection and trust.

So now that we know the difference, let’s look at why some of us might struggle with setting boundaries. Perhaps you heard the following statements growing up…

“You don’t need a boundary if you truly care about someone.”
“Saying no is selfish.”
“If I set a boundary, I’ll hurt or lose the relationship.”

Again, we’ve all heard these messages — directly or indirectly — growing up.

But here’s the truth:
Boundaries aren’t about control, rejection, or distance.
They’re about protection — for your energy, your mental health, and ultimately, the relationship itself.

They teach others how to love you in a way that’s sustainable.
They’re not walls to keep people out. They’re fences with gates — guiding people on how to be in connection with you in a healthy, respectful way.

Part 2: Culturally Sensitive Boundaries

Now let’s go deeper — because this is something I care deeply about and see so often in my work.

Boundaries do not exist in a vacuum.
They are shaped by culture, family systems, religious values, and collective norms.

In Western, individualistic cultures — boundaries are often seen as empowerment, self-care, or assertiveness.
But in collectivist cultures — such as many Middle Eastern, South Asian, East Asian, African, and Latin communities — boundaries can be perceived as disrespect, disconnection, or even betrayal.

In these cultures, values like sacrifice, interdependence, and family duty are deeply embedded. Saying “no” can feel like you’re rejecting your entire identity or community.

👉 For example:
A client from a collectivist background might say,

“If I don’t attend this extended family event, my parents will feel shamed or hurt — even though I’m exhausted and struggling with anxiety.”
Or:
“If I say no to helping my brother again, it feels like I’m abandoning my role.”

So when we talk about boundaries, we must do it in a culturally sensitive way.
That means asking:

How does your culture define love and loyalty?
What were the spoken or unspoken rules around saying no?
What would a relationally respectful boundary look like for you, given your values?

The reason I’m sharing this is because most of the scripts I see on social media are framed for individualistic societies were perhaps “no” is a full sentence. But those scripts might end up rupturing many family dynamics if we don’t take culture into consideration

🔎 According to research (2016), culturally responsive therapy — especially around boundaries — leads to better therapeutic outcomes, particularly for clients of color and immigrant communities. Respecting cultural nuance builds trust, safety, and relevance.

So setting a boundary doesn’t mean rejecting your culture — it means integrating your needs with the values you hold dear.

For example:

“Mom, I know how important it is for us to be together during the holidays. I really want to honor that. At the same time, I need some quiet space this year to rest. Can we find a compromise that works for both of us?”

This is conscious relational care.

Part 3: The Power of Validation When Setting Boundaries

Let’s talk about one of the most powerful tools you can use when setting a boundary: validation.

Here’s what I often remind my clients:
You can set a boundary and validate the other person’s experience at the same time.

Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with someone. It means acknowledging that their reaction makes sense based on their perspective and emotions.

Why is this important?

Because when people feel seen, heard, and understood, they are far less likely to react defensively.

In fact, studies on interpersonal neurobiology (Siegel, 2012) show that when someone feels validated, their brain shifts from a defensive “fight-or-flight” mode to a more regulated, open state. This makes it easier for them to hear your boundary without taking it as a personal rejection.

Let’s say a friend wants to spend lots of time together over the holidays, but you’re overwhelmed. Instead of just saying “I can’t,” you could say:

“I hear that you miss me and want to spend more time together — and that means a lot. I miss you too. I’m also trying to honor my capacity this season. I’m feeling really stretched. Here’s what I can offer that feels doable for both of us.”

It’s not about being perfect — it’s about being kind and clear.

One thing I’d like to add is an alternative perspective to what I’ve seen on social media. Often I read people saying how people react to boundaries is not your problem… & While how other’s react is on them and not us, we don’t live in a vacuum. So if the relationship is important to you, it can be helpful to create space for the other person to feel the feelings associated with us setting the boundary. It might sounds like “I understand how frustrating and disappointing it is that I can’t spend as much time with you as you’d like. It makes so much sense for you to feel that.”

Creating space for the other person’s response can be so validating.

Part 4: 5 Loving Yet Firm Holiday Boundary Scripts

Let’s get practical. Here are 5 boundary scripts you can use this holiday season — whether it’s with family, friends, or your partner — all infused with compassion and clarity:

1. Time Boundaries

“I’d love to join for dinner, but I’ll need to head out by 8pm so I can recharge. I want to be fully present while I’m there.”

2. Financial Boundaries

“This year, I’m simplifying gift-giving so I can stay within my budget. I won’t be doing gifts, but I’d love to write a letter or share a special moment together instead.”

3. Emotional Boundaries

“I know this topic matters to you, and I want you to feel heard, but it brings up a lot for me. Can we focus on things that feel nourishing for both of us today and when I have more capacity, I’ll let you know and we can discuss it later?”

4. Social Boundaries

“I’m limiting the number of events I attend so I don’t burn out. Thank you so much for the invite. I’m sending you all my love even if I can’t make it.”

5. Family/Faith-Based Pressure

“I understand how important this tradition is to you, and I want to find a way to honor that and care for my mental health. Could we create a version of this that works for both of us?”

And if you’re in a relationship, these moments are a great opportunity to team up — not turn on each other.Here are a few questions you can ask your partner to navigate the mental load and boundaries together:

“What’s on your mind as we head into the holidays?”

“What feels like too much right now?”

“How can I support you in protecting your peace?”

“Where can we simplify things as a team?”

“What boundaries do we want to set as a couple?”

So let’s remember:

Boundaries are not rejections.
They are invitations to healthier connection.
They don’t push people away — they make the relationship sustainable.
They don’t destroy intimacy — they create the safety where true intimacy can grow.

Boundaries aren’t barriers. They’re expressions of love that say: “I care enough about you and our relationship to be honest with where I’m at.”

✨ If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need a little support setting boundaries this season. And remember — you’re not alone. This is something we all navigate, and with practice, it gets easier.

Until next time,
Speak soon,

Episode 163 – From Bloodwork to Breakthroughs With Reed Davis

Click here to listen to Episode 163 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcast or watch it on Youtube.

In this episode, I sit with Reed Davis — board-certified holistic health practitioner, certified nutritional therapist, and founder of Functional Diagnostic Nutrition — to unpack the modern health crisis and a different way forward.

Reed shares his journey from environmental paralegal to leading educator in functional lab testing, why conventional bloodwork often misses the real causes, and how the DRESS framework (Diet, Rest, Exercise, Stress reduction, Supplementation) helps resolve what he calls “metabolic chaos.”

We dive into real stories of transformation from clearing chronic hives and medication dependence to helping a child avoid stimulant meds through diet and lifestyle, and why running multiple, targeted labs is the “price of admission” for finding upstream healing opportunities.

Reed also explains how FDN trains practitioners to interpret functional labs, design individualized protocols, and coach clients through lasting change.

If you’re curious about lab-led holistic care, personalized protocols, and practical steps to reclaim long-term health, this episode is for you.

To learn more about FDN and connect with Reed: https://www.functionaldiagnosticnutrition.com

Episode 162 – How to Navigate the Invisible Load as a Team During the Holidays

Click here to listen to Episode 162 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast on Spotify, on Apple Podcast or to watch it on Youtube.

Hi Soul friends,

It’s Tannaz Hosseinpour & Welcome back to another short solo episode of the Minutes on Growth podcast. Today I want to talk about something that’s coming up a lot in client sessions lately and something I think many of us are quietly feeling as we head into the holiday season.

And that is: the invisible mental load.

This episode is here to shed light on what it actually is, how it shows up, especially during the holidays, and most importantly, how we can start navigating it together with our partners, without blame, shame, or frustration.

So, let’s dive in.

What is the invisible load?

The invisible load is the ongoing mental to-do list running in the background of our minds.

It’s not just what needs to get done. It’s the tracking, remembering, anticipating, and emotionally managing everything….and everyone.

It’s thinking about the dentist appointment your partner forgot, remembering your niece’s allergy when buying snacks, making a note to pick up wrapping paper after work, and mentally preparing for how Aunt Linda might comment on your life choices at dinner.

None of these are “urgent,” but all of them are essential. And for many, especially women, the burden of this invisible load gets heavier during the holidays.

Let’s start by breaking It Down and looking at the different Categories of Mental Load

When I work with clients, we often list out the different domains of the invisible load:

Scheduling: doctor’s appointments, RSVPs, pick-ups and drop-offs
Social planning: gifts, parties, family traditions
Household management: groceries, cleaning, decorations
Health: managing medications, mental health check-ins, kids’ sniffles
Finances: holiday spending, budgeting, tracking receipts
Emotional tracking: who’s okay, who’s upset, who needs cheering up
Future thinking: “What are we forgetting?” “What could go wrong?” “What if someone’s feelings get hurt?”

Yes. It’s a lot, and most of it isn’t written down anywhere. It’s held.

That’s why we call it invisible. Because it’s often not seen until it’s dropped.

Let’s look at Why this invisible load tends to Fall on Women (Often Without Intention)

This isn’t to say all women carry the load or all men don’t. But statistically and culturally, women are conditioned from a young age to anticipate needs and carry emotional labor.

Even in egalitarian relationships, this can show up subtly; one partner does the task, the other tracks it. One buys the gift, the other figures out who needs a gift, and when, and what they’d like.

So many couples I work with aren’t in conflict because they don’t love each other but because they’re swimming in silent resentment.

& now that we’re approaching the holiday season, that resentment can grow if we don’t get proactive with it.

Because the holidays layer on:

More social obligations
More spending
More expectations (internal and external)
More emotional labor (managing family dynamics, tradition, kids’ excitement, etc.)

And if we’re not talking about it, the partner carrying the invisible load becomes overwhelmed, often silently until they snap or shut down.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

If you’ve been following my work you know that I love to turn the theory into practice so let’s take a look at what Partners Can Practically Do

Let’s get actionable. Here are some ways to be a better teammate this season:

Ask this simple question:
“Is there anything you’re keeping track of mentally that I can take off your plate completely?”
Take ownership, not just help.
Instead of saying “Tell me what to do,” choose a category and fully manage it. For example: “I’ll handle all the gift planning for your side of the family.”
Create a shared doc or checklist.
Write down the categories I mentioned earlier—and split them up. Adjust weekly. Check in. Be flexible.
Plan a money talk early.
Discuss how much you want to spend, where the money’s coming from, and what really matters.
Make space for boundaries.
If your calendar is feeling too full, sit down and ask: “What’s a must-do? What can we let go of this year?”

I can’t stress enough how impactful these suggestions are. I see it not only in my own relationship but with my clients too.. Something shifts when couples start to acknowledge and address the invisible load together.

So here are a few grounding questions you can use with your partner this week:

“What’s been feeling mentally heavy for you lately?”
“What would help you feel more supported this month?”
“What’s one thing you’d love to not do this holiday season?”
“How can we make this season feel joyful—not just busy?”

Remember soul friends, We all carry invisible things. But we don’t have to carry them alone.

The goal here isn’t to point fingers. It’s to build awareness, trust, and true partnership especially during busy seasons.

If this resonated, share it with your partner or someone in your life who might need to hear it. And take 5 minutes today to check in with yourself and with each other.

You deserve ease, support, and softness. Not just for the holidays, but always.

Thanks for being here.

Speak soon

Episode 161 – Love Lessons from Divorce Attorney Sarah Intelligator

Click here to listen to Episode 161 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast on Apple Podcast, on Spotify, or watch it on Youtube.

In this episode I sit with Sarah Intelligator — a divorce attorney, long-time yoga teacher, and author of Live, Laugh, Find True Love — to explore her approach to ‘holistic divorce’ and how bringing mindfulness, compassion, and practical tools to family law can change how people navigate separation.

Sarah explains why caring for the whole person matters in legal work, how divorce impacts children (and adult children), and the red flags and early patterns she sees in relationships that lead to separation.

We dig into her ‘six F’s’ framework; fundamental values, fear, foundation, fairy tale, family, and fixing, and learn how to choose a partner intentionally, avoid settling, and protect your future self.

To connect with Sarah: https://livelaughfindtruelove.com

Episode 160 – Protecting Your Light with George Lizos

Click here to listen to Episode 160 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast on Spotify, on Apple Podcast or watch the episode on Youtube.

In this episode I sit with George Lizos — spiritual teacher, energy healer, and award‑winning author — to explore how we can protect our energy, live more authentically, and integrate healing across the body, mind, and spirit.

George shares his personal story of coming out and reclaiming his truth, then breaks down a simple but powerful framework for energetic wellbeing: identify, clear, and shield. We cover practical, everyday techniques, how to layer shields for empaths and healers, and concrete guidelines for protecting your presence online without disconnecting.

He also explains why energy work often opens the door to deeper shadow work and why healing must be holistic; blending energy practices with psychological and somatic approaches.

Episode 159: The Obstacle Is The Way

Click here to listen to Episode 159 of the Minutes on Growth podcast on Apple Podcast, on Spotify, or watch it on Youtube.

Hi soul friends, it’s Tannaz Hosseinpour and welcome back to another short solo episode of the Minutes on Growth podcast. Today’s solo episode is inspired by a moment that really stayed with me; something I heard in a conversation between Madonna, Jay Shetty, and Eitan Yardeni, a phenomenal Kabbalah teacher

He shared a powerful analogy that resonated with me so deeply, I knew I had to bring it here and expand on it not just spiritually, but also through the lens of psychology and personal growth.

Let’s start with the inner critic..

We’ve all heard the voice in our head … the one that doubts, fears, criticizes. And if you’ve been on this journey of healing and growth for a while, you’ve probably also asked yourself:
“How do I overcome this voice? How do I silence the inner critic? How do I stop the chatter?”

But I want to go deeper than just asking how.
I want to ask: Why is it even there in the first place? What’s its purpose?

Because I truly believe — and what Kabbalah also teaches — is that everything has purpose. Even that annoying, persistent internal chatter. Even the self-doubt. Even the fear.

In that interview, Eitan offered a sport analogy, a football or soccer nlogyif you’re in North America, that I’ll never forget. He said:

“What feels better — scoring into an empty net, or scoring against an opponent?”

And that hit home, because I grew up playing soccer. I remember those childhood practices so clearly — it’s one thing to shoot into an open goal. But when there’s a goalie? When there’s a defender coming at you? That’s when you really learn. You dribble better. You move quicker. You develop skill, strategy, strength.

The opponent makes you better.
The opponent is the reason you grow.
The obstacle isn’t in the way — it is the way.

Not going to lie.. When I first started embarking on the personal development journey, I thought that the goal was to fight my inner critic. Like, shut it down, override it, silence it. But over the years, that understanding has shifted.

The more I studied psychology and spirituality, the more I realized that what you fight fights back. What you resist, persists. So instead, I learned to turn toward it… to get curious.

When the chatter gets loud, I ask:

What are you afraid of?
What are you trying to protect me from?
What skill do I need to strengthen here? What do I need to learn right now?

Because just like in parts work in psychology for example IFS or schema therapy — every part of us, even the ones that feel like enemies, are actually trying to help us. Their methods might be outdated. Their voices might sound harsh. But underneath it all, there’s a protective intention.

Sometimes that voice says: “You’re not ready.”
And maybe underneath, it’s scared you’ll fail and be humiliated.
Or maybe it says: “It’s not safe.”
Because a part of you was once deeply hurt or betrayed, and doesn’t want to feel that pain again.

So what if we listened?
What if we stopped resisting, and started understanding?

For me, my healing work became infinitely deeper when I integrated both spirituality and psychology.

Studying Kabbalah for over 12 years grounded me spiritually. But adding in somatic work, nervous system regulation, polyvagal theory, parts work — that gave me the language to understand what was happening inside my body, not just my soul.

And I want to say this:
There is no single path to healing. But for me, the most expansive growth has come from pulling from different lineages and weaving them together. Finding what resonates.

So today, if you’re facing internal resistance, fear, doubt — I want to leave you with this reminder:

That voice is not your enemy. It’s your opponent.
And just like on the soccer field, the opponent is what sharpens your skill.
It reveals where you still need to grow.
It shows you the next layer of your healing.
It’s not trying to destroy you — it’s trying to evolve you.

We can’t control the existence of challenges.
But we can choose how we meet them.
We can choose to let them birth a higher version of us or we can choose to entertain the victim narrative that life is happening to me instead of FOR me.

Because the goal isn’t to have a challenge-free life.
It’s to be able to meet life’s challenges with grace, with tools, with devotion to our growth.

Thank you for spending these minutes with me today.
If this episode resonated, I’d love for you to share it with someone who needs a reminder that their inner chatter has meaning. And as always, keep growing, keep feeling, keep choosing your healing.

Until next time

Episode 158 – Rewiring the Nervous System for Lasting Change with Kathryn Spears

Click here to listen to Episode 158 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast on Spotify, on Apple Podcast or to watch the episode on Youtube.

In this episode, I sit with Kathryn Spears, a Neurosomatic Intelligence Practitioner and Director of Marketing at the leading global institute of neurosomatics.

We explore the vital role of nervous system regulation in healing, sustainable change, and leadership.

Kathryn shares her personal journey overcoming childhood trauma, late-diagnosed ADHD, and breaking free from limiting patterns using uniquely personalized somatic tools.

Together, we uncover why mindset work alone isn’t enough and how signaling safety to the nervous system unlocks profound, sustainable transformation.

Whether you’re a high-achieving woman feeling stuck or someone looking to deepen their understanding of mind-body healing, this conversation offers hope, practical insights, and empowerment.

To connect with Kathryn: https://kathrynspears.co

Episode 157 – Stop Picking Up The Sock

Click here to listen to Episode 157 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast on Spotify, on Apple Podcast or to watch it on Youtube.

Hi Soul-friends, it’s Tannaz Hosseinpour and welcome back to another short solo episode of the Minutes on Growth Podcast.

Today, I want to share a simple phrase that completely changed the way I show up in my relationship, and one that I think many of you will resonate with

A few years ago, I was venting to my therapist about all the little things I was constantly doing to “keep the peace” … handling the chores, managing the schedules, remembering all the to-dos, and constantly having to clean the house….

When she looked at me, and after a long pause, gently said:
“Stop picking up the sock.”

Now, she wasn’t just talking about a literal sock on the floor.
It was a metaphor … for all the invisible labor I was carrying that wasn’t mine to hold.

The emotional labor.
The mental load.
The tiny, unseen ways I was over-functioning every day.

Doing things just to get them done, or so he wouldn’t have to, or because I didn’t want to feel the discomfort of waiting.

But here’s the truth:
Every time you pick up a sock that isn’t yours, you create a dynamic that becomes hard to unwind.

This is deeply connected to our nervous system.
Sometimes we over-function — we manage, fix, anticipate — because that keeps us regulated.

Because letting things drop or leaving space for someone else to take responsibility?
That can feel really uncomfortable.

But if you keep doing everything, your partner never has the chance to show up.
And you never get to experience the relationship you actually want ; the one where the labor is shared, and love is a co-creation.

Picking up the sock becomes a slippery slope — because soon, one partner becomes the parent, and the other becomes the child.

You start feeling like the manager.
They start acting like the dependent.
And suddenly, the intimacy shifts — because nobody wants to feel romantic toward their manager.

You start keeping score.
You start feeling unseen.
And instead of collaboration, it becomes quiet resentment.

so let’s look at where this comes from…

Most of us learned this pattern early on.
Maybe you were the eldest child that was the responsible child.
Maybe love was modeled to you as self-sacrifice.
Maybe you thought being “good” meant being accommodating.

But love doesn’t mean doing everything.
Love means doing your part — and trusting your partner to do theirs.

& so that day, my therapist started to teach me ways to break the cycle

Here’s what helped me break free…

Notice the impulse.
Catch yourself when you’re about to “just do it” again.
Ask: Is this something I need to take on? Or something I’m choosing out of habit?
Allow space.
Can the sock stay on the floor for a bit?
Can you let someone else notice it and decide to act?
Regulate the discomfort.
It might feel so hard to leave things undone.
But sit with that discomfort. That’s the real work.
Trust their capacity.
Your partner isn’t helpless.
Let them rise — or let them take accountability if they don’t.
Let Natural Consequences Happen
If they forget something, let them feel it.
That’s how accountability and growth happen.
Talk about it openly.
Let your partner know you’re stepping back from doing everything — and why.
Invite collaboration, not confrontation.

💡 Final Thoughts

So the next time you feel the urge to pick up the sock, to jump in and fix it,
to make the call, to clean the thing, to remember the birthday —
pause and ask yourself:
Is picking this up serving the relationship — or is it silently eroding it?

“Is picking this up an act of love… or is it an act of fear?”

Let this be your reminder:
You don’t have to hold everything.
You get to share the weight.
And that soul-friends is what builds real intimacy.

Sending you love,
Until next time,

Episode 156 – Embracing Enough-ness with Barbara Burgess

Click here to watch Episode 156 of the Minutes on Growth Podcast on Youtube, or to listen to it on Spotify or on Apple Podcast

In this 35 minute episode, I sit down with Barbara Burgess, author, founder, and executive, to explore the transformative power of embracing “enough” in a world obsessed with lack.

We dive into Barbara’s personal journey of overcoming feelings of not enoughness, the importance of setting both big and small boundaries unapologetically, and the beautiful interplay of spirituality and practical action in business and life.

Barbara shares how showing up authentically opens doors to creativity, connection, and fulfillment, offering powerful insights on following intuition, surrendering control, and living a life rich with presence and playfulness.

Whether you’re wrestling with self-worth or curious about integrating spirituality into your daily hustle, this conversation brings a wholesome perspective to help you feel more grounded, empowered, and enough.

Episode 155 – Kabbalistic Wisdom with Monica Berg

Click here to watch Episode 155 of the Minutes on Growth podcast on Youtube, or to listen to it on Apple Podcast or on Spotify.

In this transformative episode of the Minutes on Growth podcast, I sit down with Monica Berg, co-director of the Kabbalah Center and author of Rethink Love, to explore profound Kabbalistic tools that have the power to change lives.

Monica shares her insights on embracing change, cultivating certainty amidst uncertainty, and nurturing meaningful relationships.

We dive into practical wisdom on active appreciation, the art of pausing, and the deep spiritual work needed to truly “earn the light” in our relationships.

If you’ve ever wondered how to navigate love, life, and soul growth through the lens of ancient Kabbalistic teachings, this conversation is a must-listen.

To learn more: http://www.kabbalah.com

To listen to the Spiritually Hungry Podcast: https://www.spirituallyhungrypodcast.com